My Journey: From Awakening to Play
It all began in the quiet autumn of 2006. That was when my first true awakening happened—a deep, tender touching of Who I really am. It was an experience of myself as Eternity, as Infinity, filled with unconditional Love and absolute Peace.
Of course, it's difficult to convey the full depth of that moment in words. Any description would be merely an attempt to draw a map where one simply needs to be present. But after that experience, I knew for certain: all my previous life had come from unawareness, from not knowing my true nature.
I discovered that I am the One who exists without any reason for it. That I am not subject to birth or death. That I don't need to do anything to simply Be. This knowledge brought incredible joy of liberation, but along with it came a gentle trembling.
Within arose the understanding: it's no longer possible to live as I lived before. My entire existence demanded change.
Awakening turned perception upside down, and I realized—life needs to be reconsidered anew. In the late summer of 2007, I set out on a journey. Initially, I planned for nine months, but my route wasn't scheduled day by day. I decided to trust the flow and read the Signs.
At that time, I didn't yet know that this wandering would last a full five years.
Fate brought me to Crimea. This extraordinarily beautiful place was familiar to me from previous times. Having traveled all along the southern coast of the Black Sea, I found myself on the shore of the Sea of Azov. There, in a picturesque bay, I pitched my tent, and life began to flow measuredly, unhurriedly, in harmony with nature.
One evening, returning from the beach, I saw a crimson glow over the nearest hill. The steppe was burning. I had planned to go to sleep early, but suddenly I felt a calling: I needed to climb up there, to see how close the fire had come to our camp.
On the hill, I met Amita—a cook from a neighboring camp that had already been dismantled. We talked for a long time, and then she suggested stopping by the kitchen to get some essential oil. By that time, it had already grown completely dark. The oil couldn't be found, so we simply went to sit on the shore.
It was warm. A gentle breeze caressed our faces. In silence, we admired the stars… And suddenly, something jumped right onto Amita's lap from the bushes.
She immediately understood it was a kitten—she had been feeding it while working. For me, however, it was a complete surprise. My heart fluttered: this is a Sign.
"Amita, this is a Sign! Can you feel it?" I asked.
But neither she nor I could fully decipher that message at the time.
A few minutes later, we were walking back along a dark dusty road. The kitten was running behind us, as if trying to say something. It was jumping, waving its front paws, playing with our feet. I watched it carefully, listening to the silence, trying to understand. It accompanied us for quite a long time, and only near the camp itself did it turn back home.
That night, I fell asleep with the question: "What did this little one want to tell me?"
And in the morning, I woke up with an extraordinarily clear, crystal-clear realization:
LIFE IS A GAME!
This revelation was so deep, so natural and joyful, that I was surprised: how could I not have understood this before?
The kitten showed me the main thing: even in the darkest conditions, in the darkness of night, one can continue to Play. One can seek light and rejoice in every moment.
The next day, the world around began to shine with new colors. I started noticing what was coming into my field of vision: on the beach, young people were playing ball; in the evening, I met a girl playing with a dog.
Everywhere there was Play!
This theme surrounded me, and I opened myself to it completely. An ancient principle of Hermes Trismegistus surfaced in my memory: "As below, so above." If people and animals play here, below, then this Game exists above, in the Divine spheres.
I remembered that everything is interesting to us only as long as it's a GAME. After all, since childhood, we strive to play. And then it dawned on me: after awakening, I had already begun to Play with Life, I just hadn't given it a name. I wasn't aware of the new process of perception. And the kitten helped me see myself from the side and call things by their names.
Events began to unfold rapidly. The Game called me to India. I went there as a pilgrim. It was precisely there, in the spiritual heart of the world, that knowledge of the Divine Game—Leela—came to me.
For five years, I lived in seclusion, wandering and meeting with teachers who had known this Game.
Remarkably, among those I learned from were not only famous masters surrounded by crowds of followers. Since I was wandering, trusting the Game, I met simple people who were Players. And I played along with them.
I wasn't playing with people—I was playing with Life, which was sending me these situations and encounters.
Only a Player can recognize another Player.
One day in India, I met such a Player. The man was about 56 years old, originally from Belarus. How did I recognize him?
He had flown to India with a small supply of money and a credit card that didn't work in local ATMs. The cash ran out quickly, and the transfer from home was coming slowly. Moreover, he didn't know English, only Arabic and Russian.
I was amazed by how easily he accepted this situation. The lack of funds didn't trouble him at all. He slept on deck chairs under the open sky, leaving his belongings at a guesthouse. Being a doctor and knowing unconventional healing methods, he quickly oriented himself and began helping those who could support him in return. Not knowing the language, he found a common language with the hearts of those around him, and space itself helped him in every way.
Meeting me, he perceived it as a gift from the Universe. I shared my food with him. We spent two days together in conversations and walks. Saying goodbye, I thanked him for everything I had absorbed from our time together.
I saw that he was Playing.
I saw that he was a PLAYER.
But we didn't speak about it aloud. After all, one who Sees doesn't need verbal confirmations.
As we parted, he still said to me:
"You know how to LISTEN!"
Throughout those five years, I noticed how my consciousness was changing. My mind and emotions were transforming. Everything false, superficial, acquired in non-knowing, gradually dissolved. And that True essence, which shines immutably always, manifested itself more and more clearly and brightly.
My seclusion was special. I learned to be alone with Myself among people. Although I lived in noisy megacities and communicated a lot, the main object of my attention remained that boundless "I" with which I dwelt in silence.
This continued for five years. I was ready to live like this further, no longer expecting to return to previous activities. But in the autumn of 2011, a whole series of Signs appeared. They gently but persistently indicated the need to express outwardly what had accumulated in the heart, and to complete the period of seclusion.
It was time to share.
It was time to scatter stones.
