Hands never anywhere

Do not touch anything.

Do not get involved in anything

And do not go anywhere.

Silently step aside,

Be modest in the corner

And stand still, without moving,

Until his old age.

Grigory Oster. Bad advice.

Some players of the Academy Leela, continue to live in a heightened awareness mode, playing distance games. And we continue to acquaint you with the rallies that occur on their way.

• I draw attention to the fact that cough is worse, the funds do not help. A state of despair, weakness. Thought: "what to do, what's wrong, so it should not be, why so long and there are no shifts." Immediately I catch - acceptance of the moment and reality is like that. Yes, that's the way it should be. He needs to cough so much and yes, the funds do not help, because the body itself must regulate itself, do not panic. Behind this feeling is loss, abandonment, death. There is no death. Hence, and leave no one. I live. I accept. Through the body. Transformation. In reality, no one leaves - it's just a cough! Everyone has different settings and recovery, the pace is different and everything is different. I look at the picture-a cough: Yes, there are, so much as needed. I remember myself in Thailand, how almost a month I coughed - and nothing (less need to resist), so the child is going through a process. In the evening I call on Ilahinur, I ask for help, I direct energy to the child through the palms of my hands. This drawing of course shows my strong pegs. I see it. Letting go. Through living in a recapitulation.
•  In the evening to fix the rally: the husband says that one of my computers will change to the boat, tk. he needs it, but no money yet. And he does not ask me, he just puts it before the fact. To which I tell him: I need a computer for work, I can not stay without it, besides, the computer behind which I'm currently engaged in "incense" breathes (because I changed the screen, but something happens to it sometimes happens stupid, and therefore always to be the second). Gently talk to him about the importance of a computer for me. Somehow I understand that I am already walking along the minefield. And bang, that's it! He begins to raise his voice, realizing that I do not give him a computer, blame, insult. To say that I'm thinking only of myself, krahoobor, do not bring money to the family. I communicated with him not out of fear, I already see the game. And I talked, calmly, freely. There was not that important, which reacts to insults. There was no pity, no sacrifice. Reality turned around like that. I accept. And after a short time I talked with him as if nothing had happened (without stopping and offended) from the adoption. A game!
•    Drawing - at work I decided to congratulate on the birthday of E.N. The time was such that I wanted to eat fruits and vegetables. I made the choice to take the birthday gift to him in the study and then to eat. Going to him, I see a group of employees sitting at a beautifully decorated table with fruits, vegetables and salads. E.N. invites me to the table. I see the game of Consciousness - at the table people with whom I have a slightly strained relationship. The thought of giving a gift and quickly leaving - somehow awkward, uncomfortable, that they will say. Haha! What a hoax! I'm playing! Spontaneous gift - here's a fruity surprise! I accept everything as is, I sit, I eat fruit - vegetables I surrender. With whom do I have a tense relationship? Who invented this? Ego. The reality is this. Once identified. There is no set. Whole. I accept everything with love.
•    Drawing. M. reports that E, who worked for me during my trips, sells magnets. E now works in a nearby sanatorium. Masha makes magnets and holds a sale tray in this sanatorium. It turns out that E., working for me, appropriated some of the magnets that I bought from M., and now sells. M is indignant. Is going to complain head. Club in the sanatorium. The draw is that now I can not prove anything, where do the magnets come from. First, the need to restore justice - as it is - I E. gave the opportunity to earn, but she - cheating, stealing? Who needs it? Ego. Accept that it happens that people are imperfect. To accept, where I deceive, I appropriate another's, I use. To accept yourself is different - to combine a mask - a shadow, a good one - a bad one. Once identified. Letting go. I observe how E. explains M. The presence of my magnets. There's no one to complain about. There is no one.
•   Practice. In the body compression in the cervical spine. Crunch. Voltage. Event - E. with magnets. Fear of deceit. Non-acceptance. He says one thing - courtesies, but in fact - another. Fear of injustice. Loneliness. In the past - LA. - cheating with other firms on excursions and China. It should not be. As a child - my mother - redirected the direction to my work in another area without my knowledge. Weakness, helplessness. A symbol is an evil look, a malicious face. Who is deceiving whom? Who am I? I accept weakness, I live alone. So maybe. I need this experience. It's all me. Consciousness takes different pranks. Once identified.
•    Drawing. I received two complimentary tickets to the elegant estate B. There will be a concert. Need for rest. A natural need. She called with her T. The day was cold. The action was on the veranda. Two artists performed. We watched the concert. We went out onto the playground and danced. Slightly drizzled. The light part of the Ego wanted to dance, the dark part of Ego says - sit quietly, how old are you, what people will say, jump like a goat! Every time an elderly woman of about 75 appeared on the dance. She gawked and waved her hands. And in a younger way - forty years of dancing
• 
  At the same time, my sister was angry with me and threw out for my typical revenge things from my closet, a few gizmos, I was ready for the rally, and all the more because of the task, I tried to watch the body as carefully and as long as possible, so I laughed and she was happy to communicate with her, despite her cries, I was not involved and quietly with the song I stored things back in the closet, then this feeling of happiness, in the chest in the form of a tickling, light, spacious breeze with heat, it began to disappear, and I realized that I experienced attachment to this feeling and that it is gone. No more, it reminded me of my life in the present state, it shows itself pleasantly, but whether it's worth to be attached only to pleasant sensations rejects the unpleasant. I think we should not try our luck, I will try not to forget all this fleetingly. I also realized that ... it was somehow not pleasant at first, we did not realize our actions and preferences before, but now I notice how I put the labels on myself. The fact that I could be honest with myself, accept and not reject more of this part of myself has become much easier. But at the same time nothing has changed, I just hung up on a label.
• In my soul, under the cold water, I watched my thoughts, they were almost gone, my body was completely relaxed, I felt neither weakness nor fears of excitement, just for an instant. Got a glimpse of enlightenment, I saw all the situations in which I'm worried, I'm afraid and live a life full of emotions, at that moment I saw the illusion of all my fears and excitements, I specifically do not remember, it lasted a moment, I knew at that moment that I can stop to run, because in fact, really everything from which I ran just a fantasy :) I laughed :) how do I believe in all this so much. How I believe in excitement, fear. This is so funny. But at the same time without emotion. After all, there is really no tomorrow, today, or excitement. How wonderful it all is.
•   I just calmly watched all the things that I was going on in my mind, not trying to run away, I was not visibly going to fear myself, going there calmly in fearlessness. At that moment I realized what my mistake was. I understood that fear is a thought, it's terrible when you think, but when you walk right in fear you notice the illusory nature of fear itself. I tried to get rid of not noticeably for myself from fear avoiding direct contact. Therefore, nothing happened. I was afraid and ran without even knowing what.
•   Call from an unknown number, sign up for a haircut, I understand that someone gave my number, social fear of abandonment, a mask dependent on the opinions of others, an exist. the fear of freedom, not the desire to open up to new people of thought: and suddenly my vision will not like it, and it will not go away any more, and the worst will be left right when I cut it, this is my old-type thinking and repeated from time to time with a new client, and try not to write such ones beginners, generally dismissed immediately. Recapitulation: A. calls and says that she saw the work on my client and wants to get to me, I say that I'm not working with this hair product now to do what she needs, A. agrees and does not ask anymore. Because of fear, I refuse many things, because I do not appreciate my knowledge, I admit the thought that I can not manage, I identify with the UNKNOWN, I believe in it at the moment of calling a new client, and after that I begin to regret that I did not undertake this client.
•    Transfer: I saw my dad how he took a lot of work, he was hardworking and professional in his work, but he could not cope with work because he could drink, then drink, and then he wrote down the order for a long time and could not get out of it. did the work. or refused. That's the moment I saw, although I knew it, but just so deep, I just realized today. The client said that I will call back later, by the way, this practice of not doing, I got myself recently, when I feel fear and I notice in time that I want to refuse at the moment of implementation, then I say that I will call back later, after disidentification I call back through time and say from a conscious understanding or yes since I am ready to cope with this task, or not because there is nothing then. And now I remembered it called back later I wrote the client on Monday.
• Today is the day of unexpected meetings, I call a taxi for delivery, the taxi driver comes with whom I visited two weeks ago, I already forgot about this moment, how I was ashamed for the morning that I allowed myself to go not by the usual route, when I met a taxi driver I felt guilt before her husband, a sense of fuss, social fear-betrayed, an exist. fear of loneliness. I feel like a mask the fugitive began to creep not only on the face, but also on the whole body. As if a layer of skin was growing on my skin. This is the first time recognizing a mask and such a deep conscious awareness that this is happening. The desire to hide my eyes from him allows me to do it myself, leaving the room in the kitchen, looking up at the taxi driver, I looked directly into his eyes and explained what I do when ordering delivery. Recapitulation: Another city, I'm a student, a lot of new acquaintances, a lot of alcohol and night discos, for the morning a huge shame and wines surfaced after such events, even if nothing else I did not get up, I still felt ashamed, guilty for last night, even just for that drank alcohol without adventure. Recapitulation: went to the childhood, the dad in a drunken state could get up an unacceptable behavior for him in a sober manner and in the morning, when he regretted his actions, I told myself that I would not do this, and I myself felt shame and guilt for the actions of the pope . The body began to relax because allowed herself to be a fugitive and forgive herself for imperfection. Having negotiated what you need, the taxi driver left. Analyzing the situation as a whole, I was able not to judge myself and take everything as it happened.
•     I. shows attention, it turns out today to catch my behavior and habits right on the move, I really want to take attention from him, I feel excitement, a sense of shame, I admit that I'm interested in I. but this is only for a while and no more, because I understand that it's not my game that I do not want to flirt with flirting. Recapitulation: last time I felt a wild desire and interest in I. and I really wanted to take attention from him, now I feel a brake that I do not need to do this, stop, you do not need it. Memories: practice the practice, start meeting with the guy, then regret that without thinking I took courtship from him, I accept myself not experienced, I realize that the experience was given to then realize that I do not need such relationships myself. I went to accept myself in the past. I returned to the situation with I. distantly without involvement and without passion I share a cookie with I. not in order to be interesting for I. It turns out without expectations in exchange and quite another feeling without shame that I do something noticeable, I felt the difference and it's cool.
•    The husband is talking to a master who will build an arbor and it turns out that the cost of construction work is much higher than expected, or rather we did not understand each other ... we realized that he said 25% of the cost of materials, but it turned out he had a factor of 1.25 ... that is five times more !!! At the time of the conversation, I notice inside the explosion of anger, anger, in the body of fever. The thought that why it is so incomprehensible to talk ... we did not count on that amount ... I go to another room and watch this "stormy" state ... let my husband understand, about five minutes later comes the comfort and confidence that men will sort themselves out ... without my intervention and any the option will be normal ... The drawing continues.
•     Twisting in the abdomen and legs, Emotion dissatisfaction with yourself, irritation, Feeling Fear of condemnation that I'm bad, Thoughts if I refuse it, then she will be unhappy .... The event The friend invited to the bathhouse, three days ago, I agreed and today do not want to go ... discontent with myself that I can not refuse the type of everything ordered, and I promised. Motive Loneliness is unnecessary. Social fear - Abandonment. I observe and allow to be all these manifestations ... Sometimes it twists harder and tears of pity come from impotence and then lets go ... Stories from the Past .... As in my childhood I told my mother that she was not unhappy with me ... I remember this fear that she will expose me ... let me be this .... I realize that it's just there right now ... Gradually the intensity of all manifestations abates and there is agreement with what is, with everything ... After practice, I realize that the binding is for me to be all happy, and I myself am so pleased and deliver suffering ... everything comes and goes … I am.
•     At night, her husband writes a message that he will not send money. Pay all for yourself. There are 10 days left before the rent is paid. He says: "Use all reserves." If they had I had! - I say. Then return to Russia - his answer. The stakes in the game increased. Time is compressed! T.O: pain in the abdomen. Diarrhea.; E: Anxiety. H: fear and disappointment. M: he specifically does this and again does not keep his promise. SS: abandonment. ES: meaninglessness / freedom. I live senselessly, plunging into stomach pains. I remember about the Trust in Life and about her care for me. Dive into this feeling. But I understand there is resistance to living pain in the abdomen. After practice, diarrhea ceased, but the weight in the abdomen remained. I reread the "Bridge that is not." Go accept
• The husband sent his claim for a divorce, which described in detail the facts of my betrayal, even with the indication of the personal data of another man. And he pointed out two months in a year when the daughter will live with him. Traced that this description surprised me more. Really I see that trying to humiliate me, he humiliates himself. E: Sadness. Ch: sorrow. M: to prove that I am worthy of his love, there is no aspiration. I propose to replace this all with "treason of the wife". A categorical refusal. Well, I accept. However, as for my daughter, I was deeply hurt. A headache began. Heaviness on chest, it is difficult to breathe. With this, I work in the evening practice.
•    P: 40 min. Described the previous drawing shows CH: fear of losing the daughter. E: sadness and fear. M: Can he really do this? (To take away the daughter). T.O: heaviness in the chest and dull headache for 3-4 b. Ilahinur. SS: did not register. Perhaps rejection. Theme: The fear of losing Love. The struggle for the source of love. When it realized, there was a click inside: the daughter is not the source. I myself - the source of love. Filling with force. Pain to 0. Even the expansion went.
•    Thoughts: God forbid again barley. Feeled the alarm, "I do not want to walk again six months with such an eye." Persuasion: This should not be so. "The projectile does not fall into one funnel twice." I saw the fear of injustice, smiled and immediately released him, realizing his illusory nature. Transformation by the second attention and dissolution. A state of rest and acceptance. All states are temporary.
• I went home, A. went out to meet me with the words "S., and do you know what V. got for the exam?" - "No, probably, it's too early to be checked". "Already checked." I went to my son and asked him what he got. V. took a pause, like a real actor, and then solemnly pronounced - "Four !!!" I feel joy, slapped my hands - "Well done! I always knew that you could do anything if you wanted to. " We embraced, and I said that I bought him two of his favorite pizzas. With shouts of "HURRY !!!" he ran to the kitchen to disassemble the packages. I suddenly realized that I closed the door behind him in the morning and let him go free swimming, all day long, without thinking about him or his exam, I feel easy and calm
• Took in to the breath (moment now). Bodily sensations: heaviness in the body, contraction in the throat area 2b., Resentment I feel anxiety for the future life of the son. Social fear: injustice, betrayal. Close people should not do this. He says one thing, but does another, so it should not be. Where and when did I face betrayal and injustice? I went to a past experience of divorce with my first husband. Recapitulation. I see a white girl in a beautiful red dress in a black cage, a folded skirt that fears every mother coming home from work, as she keeps screaming and scolding me for every little thing. I feel how the body contracts and compacts. I feel injustice and loneliness. Mom should not do this to her child. Work with the internal child. I feel love, confidence in this world and peace. I see the illusory nature of my childhood fears. This is just an experience that needed to pass my character.
• S. came and asked for help. My legs are swollen. Does not refuse. Time passes, Z. silently, is going to leave. I see, cunning: does not enter into his plans to help me. Earlier I would have started yelling - a victim, I'm sick, but they do not want to help me. I'm playing. I say: you have no time, you go? Yes - he answers. I'm silent. Let it be so, inner humility. Well, this same Consciousness plays through it. I agree. He still will not do anything now, but why do I need a scandal? But, how calm. I start to do it on my own. All done. Satisfaction is complete. But, then, he helped me a lot, through a friend I forwarded a bale of things for my daughter - sent, having gone far beyond the city.
• There was a quarrel between father and son. Was an observer. Thought is to stop the conflict. I tell my father: stop treating your son like a jerk. He is very responsible, the breadwinner, the man. This enlightened his father and reassured his son. And for myself I decided, I will learn to play, treat both my son and my father with respect.
•    In the car, my sister's husband started to laugh at me. I forgot about everything, it became insulting, pouted. I remembered the game. It's not him, this Consciousness is amused, calmed down. Continued the conversation. I have audio CDs, I have long wanted them. She became calm and simply happy, remembering that this world comes from my consciousness.
•    On the retreat, during my placement, the gestalt ended, which lasted 4 generations on the maternal side from the side of my grandmother and great-grandmother. Acceptance, consent to a reality that they could not accept has come. Harmonization took place at the top, creation and unity. On the maternal side of the grandfather's side, great-grandfather, it was the acceptance of the situation when they hanged his brother, and that he had to flee to Russia. The connection with his kin, with the father of his father, the acceptance of the power of the race with Love and Gratitude. I feel great gratitude to Consciousness, for Awakening. For the fact that Consciousness has revealed and opened its eyes. I thank the Consciousness for everything, h
• I climb the stairs, in my hands I hold a packet of eggs. Handles of the package are disconnected and the package flies down, the eggs are smashed. Accept, loss, and let it be, then so necessary. Smile to the mind)))
  
•    Today I was born again. In the morning the body feels bad: the head hurts, the neck and shoulders are blocked. In meditation, I watch the "strong" and "weak" part of me. "Strong" part, does not accept "weak", wants it to disappear, strives for "achievements": enlightenment, peace, etc., experiences aggression, because The "weak" part prevents it from doing so. The "weak" part wants respect, recognition of its existence. Otherwise, it comes out of obedience and blocks all processes. She responds with hatred. Internal conflict on the face. I-Consciousness is watching all this. It is motionless. My task: to be it, not being involved in the role of a character.
•   I work with these "strong" and "weak" parties. This is only the concept of the mind. Everything is right here and right now, there's no need to strive anywhere. I-I came from this Source of everything that manifests, I just forgot about it. And in the body can go different processes, there's nothing to be done - this is my reality, which I created with my ignorance.
•  I wonder, I feel the Presence, I AM like love. Sometimes I forget myself, but then again I remember and understand that it is impossible to exchange it for any bustle of the mind, the apparent "importance" of this unreal world. I feel gratitude and love. Dying is not terrible - it's just a way out of this part of the endless game.
• Today I'm dying again. It's just become a routine. I feel deep gratitude to this amazing phenomenon - Life. Two more incarnations have taken place. I noticed that as soon as you start to strive for something, want something, there is fuss, nervousness. And you are no longer here and now. On the next incarnations I plan (chi, hee, chi) to relax as much as possible, cancel all plans and just live, remembering that everything is right here and now and this is everything - I.
•  The only thing that was strange - all these days I sat in my car, I could smell incense and church candles. This smell was felt only by me. Several times I asked my husband if there was something in the car that could smell so, but he not only did not feel this smell, but he also assured me that nothing could smell like this in the car. And yesterday I had a dream, in which I saw my father. We sat on the couch and talked. His father looked very happy and fresh, he was dressed in a light brown sweater, and the whole room was lit by a pleasant light. I was very surprised that I see my father and asked him what he was doing, he died, and we buried him. I guess you did not understand that you were dead, "I said to him in the end. Father smiled and replied: I understood, I just did not die.
• Life has given me a gift, showing its strength, allowing me to see some of my secrets, showing that I am a part of everything. I also felt impotence and weakness, and after going through the stage of struggle, surrender to them and become stronger in my inner center. I realized what my daily choice is - to be aware or go in the dark. I feel gratitude for Life and for the Way I am accompanied by the Guide. For those opportunities that allowed to live and take this event, having gained tremendous experience.
•   Mom flew into the funeral home with a completely wild look, with a black scarf on her head, disheveled hair and some insane look. I was scared for her. She said that I did not say anything to her about the time, and she told her to go to town. Having agreed in the bureau, finally, the date of the funeral, and having ordered everything necessary, we went out into the street. I asked my mother, why did she come to the city? The conversation ended in a big quarrel. I could no longer bear all that was happening. It was some sort of insanity in which my whole being refused to participate. In practice, I gave up impotence and weakness. This quarrel with my mother seemed to be the last chord of resistance, its peak. Then came the surrender and humility.
  
   To be continued...

Ha-Ha! Playing!