Do you know what personal boundaries are? Asked the question "how to learn to keep them"?
The ability to build and maintain personal boundaries is a guarantee of healthy relationships free from codependence. This is the path to real, true intimacy. A necessary condition for it. This is a basic skill.
And
building boundaries is what the psychologists of their clients, in
fact, teach, if they come with requests for a relationship. And not about the relationship - either. In general, this is the basis of the foundations of a harmonious personality.
Excellent questions that will help you build and hold borders while communicating with other people:
- What do I want?
- How do I see the situation?
- What do I like about the situation?
- What do I dislike about the situation?
- What feelings do I have in this situation?
- What can I do in this situation (in principle, the possibilities)?
- What do I choose to do in this situation?
- If you begin to replace the pronoun "I" in these questions with some others, then you automatically violate the boundaries. You either try to adjust to your own fantasies about the Friend, or try to control it, or worry. In principle, it's all the same, by the way.
Your boundaries are what you are responsible for. Your feelings, thoughts, vision, desires, decisions.
Do yourself, not the Other. You can not deal with others. Just forget it. He is not available to you. You just sink into illusions. All that is available to you is only you.
Guessing, trying to control and climb into someone else's head lead to unhealthy relationships, empty conflicts and co-dependencies. Do not do it this way.
What if I want Other to do something?
Wrong answer: you need to understand why he does not do this, hint, send his thought.
The correct answer is: ask.
Another correct answer: to manipulate, if you know how to do it painlessly.
What if I want the Other to stop doing something?
see above.
How can I let him know that I do not like the situation?
Wrong answer: change your behavior so that he thinks about what he is doing wrong.
The correct answer is: say.
Супер! Спасибо! Очень направляет от жертвы к ответственности за свой выбор. Пробуждающая статья! С Любовью и благодарность, Лебедь.
20.08 14:45