Life breaks the strongest, putting them on their knees,
To prove that they can rise,
Weaklings, she does not touch.
They are already on their knees all their lives

• 1. At the site. I rock my son on a swing. I wanted to correct his jacket, stood in front of him, stretched, and he put his foot forward, and it turned out, my foot touched me. Instantly the feeling came alive. I got up on the sidelines and lived, giving this feeling to be. Humiliation. I'm missing through the body. Thought: "I saw that I was standing and intending to touch it, specially expose my foot. And it's trying to get me dirty and make me a dirty trick. " Perespecting: my husband wanted to fix something out of clothes, showed concern, I just wanted to touch, and he repels, or putting on a jacket waving his hand and naturally hurting me, it hurts me. I survive, everything is not lived and is not accepted in that event. Adoption. If you do not ask, do not do it. Respect the desires of people, yes, there are those who do not like touching (each has its own story). Non-doing. Give free expression to loved ones. Keep out. They themselves will understand. I respect and love.
•   2. Smile, greeting. Do not interfere in other people's processes. I met a friend. I was showered with compliments. Her girls hugged me, we exchanged hugs, cheerfully communicated. Daughters on a wave of joy to ask to visit G. Son, of course they were invited. The acquaintance was delighted, and said that for this time until the meeting runs away. In the evening, comes to take away daughters, and from the doorway asks for help. "Help me, I have problems communicating with the eldest. Sergei said that you understand psychology, help, the situation goes bad, I can lose contact with my daughter. " I accept the obligation to maintain the circulation of wealth in my life, giving and receiving the most precious gifts that life gives me: gifts of care, favor, gratitude and love. Whenever I meet people, I will silently wish them happiness, joy and more occasions for laughter. Consciousness gives the opportunity to share, help. Here they asked for help (and not because they do not ask, but I do).
•   3. The drawing - the former LA began to appear in the sanatorium - on a visit to some employees. Here and today the watchman L. informs that there was LA, and L. said that in vain she quit. He pities her. I see the game of Consciousness. I say - it was her choice to leave work. Dissatisfaction - every time I have a desire to justify myself - as if I am being condemned that she quit. In the body I do not notice any feedback - let her walk, communicate with those who need it, be friends. Who is not satisfied with her departure? I see in LA. Her sacrifice - she is poor, unhappy, turned around, worked, and she was fired. I'm alone now, there's no help, I have to turn around. Remove the victim! This is my choice of such work. Let go LA, do not take responsibility for her life. Consciousness so subtly plays in "pity". Whom to regret! Who is the one who is satisfied or not satisfied? There is no one.
•   4. Drawing - the guide informs that on a tour, vacationers go today. This is a surprise to me - that M.V. Changed the day - I hear for the first time. We have a plan tomorrow. It remains 30 minutes to find sightseers and warn. Not satisfaction - I may not be in time to tell people. But many were waiting for the tour and very upset. The body is shaking internally. I swear by phone MV, that she forgot to tell me about the transfer of the excursion. I take measures, how to inform people. I managed to warn everyone. Satisfaction - in the body - relaxation, calmness. This need comes from the ego. For creative purposes. Yes, it happens. Adoption. Letting go. M.V. I do not criticize, I do not blame. Once identified with the body, with personality. Who is the one who feels satisfaction or dissatisfaction? There is no one.
•    5. Drawing - the daughter comes with the son-in-law and says that S. does not want to get a job. The old work does not take him after a broken leg. And he does not represent the other. 4 months at home, no money. L. is dissatisfied. The cat fell ill (home), you need money to treat it or put it to sleep, because there is little chance of a cure. L. does not want to take money from me. What they live on is unknown. I realize that they need to live their own lives. These are their tasks. There is no one who suffers. Who am I? Once identified.
•    6. A drawing with my granddaughter ... What can I give her? Its presence in the present ... Just the presence ... I notice the warm joy when she smiles and guzzles ... then kips ... and in the body I have to do something ... watch ... then there is a loud crying, I feel fear ... everything is compressed inside ... something to do with this ... I want to change ... I watch and the milk left by my daughter-in-law is looking ... I see a part of myself that is fussing and hurrying, and the part that is imperturbable ... when I go into the room with milk in 4-5 minutes, I see that the granddaughter is fast asleep! The game continues…
• 7. A colleague asked me to help her buy her an e-ticket for the train ... I gladly responded ... I noticed that during the purchase there were "problems" such as there are no bottoms, then the card was not paying the ticket, I see the fuss and apology of my colleague, and all the time I feel the inner silence And the observation that I do not help her, she worries, but everything just happens ...
• 8. I noticed that how differently the reading of the game is perceived in different states ... First I read with joy and gratitude and thoughts what a wonderful game and on another day I read in a state of sadness and notice the thought of how I can give joy if I have it No? I notice a whiner ... a victim ... heaviness in the legs .... Heavy breathing ... thoughts "Where can I take joy ???" ... I allow everything to be ... without involvement ... and as it happens, a failure in thoughtlessness ... I find out the "fountain of joy" ... which it is impossible not to share !!!
• 9. Neck, firmness, as though inside of it a stone that turned into light, as it was observed, light and free, and at the end it was transformed into warm light. The energy changed constantly, the body began to overflow with heat, as if the skin starts to burn from the inside, the hands are typed in heat and legs, too. The fire that burns, but you do not sunbathe. Gradually, in this heat, the body began to disappear until it felt like a body of wind or light, or empty space. I have never previously described the sensation or part of the body as "bright space" is something new for me. I think earlier I stopped at the sensation of heat, but when it passes, there is a bright space. I guess I'm a little advanced.
• 10. L. came to L., and I asked to go with them to the airport, because we are on the way. We went down from LA to the store and with full packs went to the car. L. met us on the way and L. shoved his bags into his hands, but he calmly returned her to them back, muttering, something under his nose and lightly went to the car. Silently watched as he proudly walked in front of us, marveling at the patience of L. Immediately there was an impulse to tell him that he was ofigel! A sense of injustice has come to the surface. Belief: A man should not do this. I saw my dislike and desire to protect L., disappeared. It's not my responsibility. She is able to defend herself, which she later did.
• 11. L. immediately warned that I will not be lucky on a bad road, but only to the airport. While driving, I saw how I was coming from the airport on a dusty road. Well, where to get to, I'll have to go. I agree with reality. At the entrance L. turned and asked "How will you go on such a fire?" - "Usually, as always with the legs." At the turn of L., suddenly, wrapped in my direction, I took my bags, ready to go out, but he did not stop and went on. Five minutes later, I realized that he decided to take me to the dacha. I feel warmth and gratitude in my chest. Surprised. I thanked the guys and went to my room.
• 12. After the shower, I checked the mail for the computer. I feel tired and relaxed, my eyes closed. The daughter, watching my nods, could not resist and poked me in the back with her hand. "Mom, go and go to bed already!" From a surprise jumped on the spot and cried out to her in response that "There's nothing to poke me, I'm sitting and listening to the material. What a difference to you with your eyes closed or not! ". Having spilled, ofigela. The lies escaped with the speed of light. Instantly woke up and, laughing inside, looking smartly at the mail, went to her room. I accept myself as a liar. Yes, but what resourcefulness!
• 13. The drawing. She took the meter reading, and before that she turned off the second refrigerator, it is not necessary, but the son insists on turning it on. I explain to him that he is not needed now and pay 80-100 kW more for light. The son says that I'm making up everything and talking nonsense. I started to boil. I remembered the game. I immediately lowered the tone, saying: this is a fact. Then I understand that I will not argue anymore. And then later, as, by the way, she said: filled the receipt for 400 rubles. less. He is silent, this is convincing for him. Conflicts became much less when I started playing in the second game.
• 14.Son brought food and stands at the doorstep and asks to pick up food, and I was washing dishes at that time, wiping my hands. He says: dry your hands. She wiped it. Wipe it off again. I say: dry. I looked, I bought the most necessary things. I am in the presence. He keeps talking about his hands. I say: what a umnichka. He continues to grumble. I say: what a fine fellow! Calms down. Haha. How to play. Class.
• 15. Clearly realized that in this life I deserved, then I get. And not always bad events are bad for me. Sometimes they are good for me, because it is my conditioned memory that gives it an appreciation. I have great respect for my Teacher Swami Vishnudevananda Giri, because the little that I could absorb from the Teacher allowed me to meet another Teacher. Every moment I whip the pattern of my future destiny. I hope that by changing my dark side of the soul, afterwards I will not harm other beings, since I will know what I'm doing and will subsequently come to liberation. In relation to other people, being in a calm state of mind, people treat me perfectly. But last night I suffered in a conversation with my sister, fell asleep, immediately received a retaliatory strike, but only slightly increased. Constantly now I remember how you are, and to you. Sometimes you are not treated well, but the main thing is how you feel.
• 16.I went to the clinic to tear out the tooth. The mind says: late, there will be no coupons. The inner calm that I feel recently, some acceptance of what happened, sent me to the clinic. Got a ticket. Neither fear nor fear. Such a wonderful state, amazing calm. I then know about these miracles of Consciousness. Consciousness plays. Confidence in Consciousness. And a good doctor, to which I came to the reception. This is also the game of Consciousness. Although I certainly now go through rough manifestations of events. I sat down in the armchair. Strange, the first time in my life so. Calm down. And suddenly she says: a difficult removal, she ran and led another doctor. And my heart aches. And I realized how the body reacts. The heart reacted to fear. I thought, with painkillers, it will not hurt. And calmed down. Everything happened instantly. When I came home, my son told me this phrase: It's not I who tell you, it's reality that speaks through me. I was taken aback. Consciousness talked with me, or rather with Himself.
• 17. Confrontation with her daughter. When my daughter has tears, anger, anger, irritation, I almost instantly fall into anger. All these manifestations reflect the weakness with which my consciousness fights. If tears and hysteria occur in the eyes of strangers, I feel humiliated, a hot hot wave is pouring through my body. I feel my weakness and impotence. Obeying this weakness for the mind means losing because the child automatically becomes stronger - he "won." But according to the convictions: -The children are weaker, the parents are stronger-the children should be obedient-the children cry to spite their parents or simply because they want to be capricious. As I overcome: the main thing to see is to wait a moment of a flash of anger and catch the emerging emotion of resistance. If this happens, then I consciously wrap around - letting the child show weakness, and myself - to take this weakness, letting energy through the body. Instead of protection (aggression, demands to stop, threats, etc.) - to show love, acceptance. As a result, I get an incredible charge of positive energy, I feel fullness and harmony. The child receives support, love and confidence that he can express his emotions freely, without fear of rejection. If I go on the subject of resistance, on the way out, I get exhausted, a destructive sense of guilt and the same impotence (only now physical), from which I actually defended myself. The child is injured, from the conversation with her I already know that she feels rejected and abandoned at such moments ("I'm afraid that you will leave me and leave").

• 18. Relationships with the spouse. Belief: a woman knows best what to do and how to do it. What I observed in my family. Mom was always the main one. She controlled everything, including financial flows in the family. She bought food herself, decided how much money to take on leave, what things to buy, etc. What all this led to: my father does not know how much it costs, he does not believe that such amounts can go to food and apartment payments. He can not buy things for himself, because he never did it. Part of his claims to my mother is precisely in these little things (he takes all my money from me, I do not understand where he goes, I go to old people like a bum, etc.) ... Now he demands that everyone decide for him, because he is so used to and knows no other. As I overcome: I allow my husband to solve men's issues himself, without interfering with the words "I think it will be better". - I let him be wrong. - I give the spouse part of the living space in the house, so that he feels like a master here: we built a special wardrobe for his equipment, where only his belongings are stored, the last word in the choice of technique to the kitchen was behind him, equipped a common office where we We can spend time together, discussing all the details of the work, but at the same time everyone here has his own zone, his order - I have flowers and beautiful pictures, he has knives, walkie-talkies, complete chaos on the table, instructions and stuff. - financial control - I'm not the main one anymore. I ceased to be responsible for paying for the apartment, now I just take them out of the mailbox and put my husband on the table. I have free access to money, but I often ask the spouse for some amount that he withdraws from the card (or translates) specifically for me. I do not interfere with the purchase of the equipment (its sale), spare parts for the machines, I do not take upon myself the entire responsibility for the purchase of the products. Yes, the spouse is worried because of our financial condition. He's not easy - he's a man, he's in charge. When he worries, I make a calm appearance and say that we will succeed, and we will cope, and he continues, because they believe in him. When they believe in him, he also believes in himself, he feels the main, strong, and I can be weak, I can stand behind him. What happens when I go on the occasion of resistance: the more I show strength, the stronger my spouse Moves away. The more I try to control our life together and interfere in his masculine affairs, the more between us is the distance of misunderstanding. I take away his man's strength and will. On the way out I get my own irritation, the spouse seems to me lazy and incapable of anything (i'm kind of getting confirmation that I need to be strong), I lose my femininity, and the husband starts to perceive me as a friend at best , In the extreme - as a rival, and not as a woman. I become angry, angry, claiming that I'm the only one doing everything.
• 19. Living incarnations in a monastery is the ideal way to prepare for death. But only when all aspects of life are worked out. Death is perceived as the main event of life, and transition is the preparation for what, the whole life is devoted to. I realize myself as Presence, emptiness, infinite space. At the same time I observe the sensations of the body, feelings, sometimes thoughts appear, but all this comes and goes without affecting.
• 20. Today is the last day of this incarnation. It lived as consciously as possible. There is only death ahead, I can clearly see it. This is reality, I accept. This is what gives the impetus to live consciously every moment of this life. Now I realize myself as Presence, Consciousness. It somehow comes by itself and goes away. Not yet stable. This is mercy. But this is something to remember that you can spend your life.
• 21. I see how not just now to penetrate the genetic code of Rod. The warrior sneaks to Daru, feeling and feeling it, the more acceptance and trust, the clearer the process takes place. Yes, it may be that it is not according to the rules and taking experience to be weak, lagging behind and now I feel new vibrations of calmness. That there is not that haste and evaluation of yourself, accepting yourself like that, and this is not good or bad, so Consciousness plays, quietly Expanding the circle of understanding and moving forward!
• 22. The reason for the problems that have begun is stretching from the revolutionary times, where the 20-30s, when the dekulakization of people who lived richly, had their land, farming, hired workers, mothers on the father's and mother's lines collided with, both grandmothers were Siberians. During this period, there was a rejection of life, a sense of injustice, when all was taken away and let in the world. "Life is not fair, so you can not do it!" On the maternal line, parents cursed the authorities for doing so, taking and driving out into the street ...
• 23. Has come home to mum to collect the information on a sort, after all she unique who, knows something. She delves into the garden, is busy with her own affairs, and here I am with questions. I tell her she needs these relatives, but she said irritably: "There's nothing more to be done, you're doing nonsense, why do you need this?" Won in the garden would have helped better. " I felt tension, a sense of rejection, a fear of loneliness. I understand that besides her no one will tell and that this is a game, I tell her that the garden will not go anywhere, that now we'll sit for a while, you'll just rest and I'll help you later, because it's so important to me. Said and let go of the situation, inside was calm and acceptance. And then I hear, my mother says: "What again need to tell?" I felt joy and love, thanked Consciousness and began to clarify the genogram of the genus!
• 24. The husband is still in bed, only opened his eyes, the fear of approaching him (rejection), I remember that yesterday I bought a cream that I liked very much my husband, lay down beside her and opened the cream, squeezed out the cream and began to smear. The husband shows interest in my movements. Unbelief in rejection, fear dissipated. Rejection only in the head, the mask of the fugitive manifests itself with the thought that they will reject me now, because I have acted badly, now my husband has not said anything, and I am already a fugitive.
• 25. The son left, his grandmother's daughter, invited her husband to take a walk after work, he agreed. My husband comes an hour later, delayed. My mother yesterday asked me to bring out the old refrigerator, my husband agreed with the car after work, I understand that the walk was covered and actually the state I have already sleepy, social.str. Rejection in the foreground, thoughts: can remind of a walk? I remember the code: before changing it is necessary to accept as is, I understand that now it is necessary to act in inaction, having taken a bath we did not have bad time alone and at home.
• 
  26. Practice the evening
  
      1. Watching the breath (moment now)
  
      2. Description of the state
  
      Body sensations: chest tightness, slight feeling of nausea, heart palpitations
  
      Destructive emotions: fear
  
      Thoughts: I do not want (but it is necessary)
  
      Event, with which the condition is connected: a call from the manager of the insurance company, who is eager to communicate with me in order to resolve the issue with the execution of documents. An important point - I myself was the initiator of the conclusion of the contract, it is me that needs everything to work as it should, and it's necessary to do everything now - when there is time.
  
      Calibration: a concrete block on the chest, gray, 15 by 10 cm, intensity 4 points
  
      Transformation: erasure, add green color - freshness and vivacity.
  
      Change in the state: in the chest I feel light, the body is no longer bound.
  
      3. Social fear (localization in the body): humiliation and rejection
  
      Destructive (limiting) belief: I myself do not do business, I am irresponsible, such do not like
  
      4. Existential fear (localization in the body): loneliness - emptiness in the solar plexus, compression
  
      Destructive (restrictive) belief: will condemn and will not return any more
  
      Recapitulation of the history of life:
  
      * Immediately recall the negative experience of seeking help from my mother. Memories flow, I scan it without stopping. I have problems in school with geometry - I do not understand how to solve the problem. I ask the help of my mother. Mom also does not understand for a while, studies the topic, then the task, decides something and finds the answer. But she is not in a hurry to share it with me. It's getting behind my back and all that she does is repeating "read carefully the task". She does not talk about ways to solve the problem, she does not give clues, she expects that just like she will decide that I SHOULD somehow understand. I feel pressure, I feel weak. And I'm angry with myself because SAMA asked Mom for help and now has to experience it all. I feel stupid, humiliated, rejected. It all ended with my tears and convictions that this is not just my whim, I really do not understand either the topic, the task, or how to solve it. Mom did not believe it. Since that day, I have not asked my mother for help in the lessons.
  
      * Because now my practice requires harmony, I recall another experience, the recent one - with the photographer. When I myself appointed a photo session and admitted to myself first, and then to the photographer in my weakness - ignorance of this process. After that, I felt light, as if I had removed a pelvis with stones from my head.
  
      Calibration and transformation: compression in the chest in the form of copper rings, intensity 4 points. Transforming by erasure.
  
      Changing beliefs about life: the recognition of weakness is power.
  
      The technique of not doing: accepting help, realizing and recognizing one's weakness, living now, not postponing anything "not later".
  
      To be continued...

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