You can not imagine what a man is capable of,

who finally realizes that he has no other choice.

Max Fry

Some players of the Academy Leela, continue to live in a heightened awareness mode, playing distance games. And we continue to acquaint you with the rallies that occur on their way.

• The child coughs up, but I do not feel the weather (in the morning alone, by dinner it's quite different). I sent him to the garden in clothes, which seems to me easy. I'm in a state. Anxiety. Thought: "lightly dressed. Podzzermznet and even more will add cold. " Fear. Will get sick. The body is clammy. In the head chaos is a panic, a thought in a heap. I stop. Attention to breathing. In the body I find a sensation. Thought: "Ill will sit at home, I'll be tied up on my hands and feet, I will not have time to do it." Weakness in the body, a sense of abandonment. Thought: "I will not have time". Who is afraid not to be in time? I find it (thoughts, image). Everything has already happened and will be what will be. As soon as I find one who. Through the body I accept the reality of the moment. I give up. Responsibility for their actions, one must be more careful (or take spare clothing, grow up). It's too late to fight - I accept the situation as it has already happened. Taking things as they are, I take responsibility for my choice and for all the events in which I see problems. I know that to take responsibility is to stop blaming anyone (including myself) in the circumstances, I also know that any problem is a hidden opportunity, and this willingness, always to see the opportunity, allows me take full advantage of this moment.
• My husband needs to go out for a while, he nervously takes out his jeans and says that I shook him - crushed them piling on top of his rags. I again see the game and the opportunity to practice, but first full acceptance and not resistance. Calmly, kindly tell him that in fact it is a clothes dryer, and not for storing jeans, for this there is a closet-welcome. Now I'll tell you about them, and there's no problem, it's bad for you, I'll kiss you on the way-I'll bless you. I can see how the Kharkk croaks, but softens, calms down. For myself, I understand that in this mode I need to act (not habitually, but effectively, this is my non-doing). Gratitude is great for the information, for the fact that I am changing. My not resistance is surrender. Any problem contains the germs of a favorable opportunity, and the realization of this allows you to take the moment as it is and transform it into something better.
• The need to hold a concert for the Day of Russia. Who needs it? Ego. It feels the tension and dissatisfaction that there is no help, and it is necessary to organize somehow. I'm trying to find someone who is not satisfied. Ego - these are just words. Stress, satisfaction are all reactions of the mind. Who I am, do not have anything to do with them. Not to be identified with them. Who needs a concert, who ordered the concert, who without help - there is no one who needs it. I can watch. I notice that I go out into the foyer - I want to open the hall, turn on the karaoke - let the participants rehearse themselves. I meet L. - she joyfully reports that she came to rest and asks me to let her sing karaoke. He says that a year ago I gave her the key to the hall, and she prepared herself. Wow! I feel satisfaction. I will instruct her to prepare for the concert! Stop! Who is satisfied? I. Who am I? I do not find. I see just the reaction of the mind. I'm watching. I teach L. to turn on and off the equipment, I give the key to the hall, schedule the rehearsals, instruct her to conduct karaoke and record those who wish to participate in the concert. L. is delighted with this. I, too, from this turn of events. Who admires? Ego. This is the reaction of the mind. Once identified. I'm watching. I remain in the bliss of lightness of being!
• Event is an event in a cafe. I feel weak, helpless. Thought - there's nothing I can do, prove it. The picture comes out - I'm in the store. The video camera shows me with my money, show on TV, condemn - this woman wanted to deceive the seller. The rejection. Loneliness. In the past - as a child. Mom told me to buy fat. I bought it, dropped my jar of fat at home and smashed it. Afraid that my mother would punish me, I collected the fat in another jar. I tried to choose without splinters. When my mother began to fry, she saw the splinters. I did not confess to her and said that I was given this in a store. Mom made a scandal in the store. I was afraid to go into the store, I felt guilty before the seller. A whole year ran to a distant store, until they left for another city. Bad. Deceiver. The rejection. Loneliness. I live helplessness, weakness. I live this experience. I need him. A recent event is acceptance. Yes, it can be so. I could be wrong. The seller can be wrong. And can be confused, be inattentive. I accept myself all kinds. There is nothing for anyone to prove. There is no one. The mask is honest, the shadow is a deceiver. Connection of mask-shadow. Whole. Who am I? Once identified.
• In school, in order to get a diploma, you need to get a certain amount of hours of experience at work in the field of which I specialize, so something happened that I should be this month for hours set, for personal reasons this month I did not go there I can, but at the end of the month or the next. It so happened that in the place where I should go need help, I so understood it was for them the opportunity to find a new employee. This month we will have a concert at the Music Academy, so I can not go there. The bottom line is that if this year I do not dial 130 hours for the next year in two will have to work. Plus, next year we have exams. Hence, there will be almost no time for studying due to this internship. But despite everything, I looked at this thought and felt excitement, but at the same time I am calm and happy) I'm in no hurry and do not worry, everything will happen as it should happen, so why should I kill myself with unrest that may and will not be justified. This is the same block that this morning discovered, the same shape, the same place and the same color. I just trust it.
• I was looking for a reason why I did not allow myself to be what I am. Watching the body found: In the chest, warm, white, Intensity 1-2 / 10. Constitution: Like a cloud of rubber, inside like hard rubber, and from the outside of this feeling was like a cloud, all at the same time. It so happened that I am attracted. At first it seemed the cause of depression in this (rejection), but then watching the body, transforming the energies filling them with the missing light, saw through the body an event 8 years ago, from which everything began. I was small and obeyed the will of one person who was hated because he wanted my behavior to correspond to his expectations, and finding out the reason for the depression, finding the root of the situation, I began to experience not lived emotions, situations without running away in thought or drawing attention away from it. Allowing everything to be as it is. I saw a source when, after the transformation, a feeling of fear aroused in the abdomen, watching the fear, the body showed what it was connected with.
• I talk on the phone with my mother and notice that her phrase "that it is often harmful to be photographed" causes dislike and after a talk thoughts of "mother's stupidity" come, I notice someone who has an opinion ... and he is unreal ... it's just an idea .. I notice the contraction in my stomach, and the breath ...
• I receive a letter about the testing of the update ... I notice the internal resistance, thoughts what a boring and boring job, in the body of an ache ... I notice the conviction and craving for pleasant sensations and impressions ... I observe what Is right now, the ache in the body, thoughts , a sense of boredom and "craving" to escape to pleasant interesting pursuits ... I do not interfere ... I open the test protocol and step by step "boring work" is done and gradually interest appears to it ...
• During the working selector, I notice the internal irritation that "a waste of time" and after the selector, this state continues with an internal dialogue ... I translate the attention into the body, fatigue, impotence ... THAT ... the feeling that I do not want to live and run away ... I see weakness in the body ... dullness in head ... lack of interest, desires ... I hear the sounds of nature, the sound of water and when I come home, I notice laziness in every action ... I observe and gradually there is activity and an unexpected desire to wash the windows.
• Until 16.00 there was no work, doing the measured current affairs, the desire to leave work, and this is my weak point, the fear of losing time. Thoughts: do the child, do not sit. I adjusted the report of the 5th game, I'm dependent on the thought that it's impossible not to sit, I'm breathing, I'm breathing, I feel hurry. As a result, I deleted the game, I'm paying a loss of loss, dependent even on the text of which is no longer on the set of any letters, I watch as the character searches for all the possible folders in the illusion to return the deleted text and nothing. At some point, through tears, I caught a clear understanding that this is a rally that brought me back from the thought that I'm doing a useless thing, so now I'm not just dreaming of something that reminded me. I heard laughter, I understood everything, I know how I played the game and know only Consciousness. I send the rest of the text with acceptance and understanding, not out of fear, but from love and understanding of the drawing. I'm sending an empty game with such ease.
• I call my husband to pick me up in the car, ask why I'm not at home yet, I explain that I did the orders then I did the practice, says that I did not plan to pick me up. he has a mokik in his car and he arranged with a partner that will help him unload from the car into the garage after work, but only one place in front but in the end said that we'll think of something. Has gone ignoring the situation of injustice is more important to him than mokik but not me, the desire to take a taxi and leave the very anger, irritation, guilt that I do not have the right to ask for help from my husband because I am not worthy to help me. recapitulation: I ask my husband for help, he refuses to be angry and do it myself. After 5 minutes I had an interest in how this rally with the car ended anger changed, for joy. My husband is driving up to sit in the car no partner, says that the partner is going towards our house ie. I will be delivered, and my partner then takes the garage there. The conversation was without stress, I felt that my husband loving destroyed the situation without disputes and negativity, saw how he spontaneously decided to do no harm to anyone, we drove contented. At home I realized how terrible it is to ask my husband and not to think that I can interfere with his plans, when there is trust and observation, I am open to any experience. Very cool feeling.
• That night I slept badly. Because of my thoughts: the first day of school and I'll be late; for the daughter for the first time to stay with the nanny in a new place; the excitement for B; I fell ill girlfriend and can not throw me up to college; plus the daughter spun and moaned all night. I woke up before the alarm clock with the idea to postpone this first day for tomorrow, and today just to sleep. And then an e-mail comes from an online school, which does not have enough time: they lost me. It must have been the last straw. At first a powerful burden from impotence and helplessness. Then, hop, I remember yesterday's practice and accept my helplessness. Relaxed. There is simply a flow. It became easy.
• I will not find my backpack in college. I looked around the table - no. Around - no. The excitement began in the form of a warming of the lower backbone, M: who hid what? SS: rejection. She exhaled, went to the toilet. The game is the same. Why should anyone now joke and reject me? Accepting the possibility of a joke. Calm down. I stand at the threshold of the class to see everything and everyone. I notice my backpack in the corner at the teacher's desk. I'm taking it. One guy says: "I put it there, he was lying on the aisle here." Once again I am convinced: the dwarf would only be frightened ... but everything is not as it seems ....
• We're driving in the car. girlfriend says: "I'm bored ...!" Immediately interpretation is the thought that it is boring with me. I catch the tension in my chest. It begins to seem that she rejects me. I'm starting to joke about the fact that I'm talking to her, I'm compiling the company, and she's bored! It becomes easy, because playing. Girlfriend: "I'm not in the sense that I'm bored with you. And I'm bored: I want to love! ". Here they are the machinations of a dwarf!
• I got into a dispute with a drunk man and could not stop in time, thanks to a sense of injustice and fear for my son. As a result, I. went into the aggression and fear of death. Running out of the house, he slammed the iron door hard. Began to close the door behind him, immediately tore the door out of my hands and with all her strength again she fucked it so that the speck was poured on his head and so, running to the elevator and coming back, several times. The son could not stand it, jumped to the door and tried to close the door, pulling it out of his hands. He succeeded, but I. began to pound his fists and legs on the door, demanding to open. V. opened it, I. with insane eyes began to threaten and shout that I am greedy and think only about money, and he knows what needs to be done. L. came up and began to persuade him to calm down and stop screaming. I stood and looked at what was happening, keeping track of what I felt. Inside is peace and compassion. At some point, felt a slight excitement - flashed the thought "And what will happen now?". Seeing her, immediately came the answer "What will be, it will be. Which have not be avoided". Peace returned back. When I closed the door, I could hear what was happening inside him: panic, a strong fear of death. The son said, "Lord, how a father disgraced himself! I will never drink. " She calmed him down, explaining that, despite everything, the father loves us. Ten minutes ago he told his son, "Look, what a beautiful mother we have!"
• She came to the bathhouse, the girls are already there. Today, the unexpected joy - the bath is almost empty! Relaxed and enjoyed the silence, both inside and outside. When they were traveling home with L., she said, "you have changed, and you have some kind of lightness." I thought about her words, I forgot that I also felt relief after the door closed behind I. I could not explain myself then. It seems that I refused another responsibility - for the behavior and manifestations of her husband. There remains sympathy and a desire to support him in his intention to stop drinking, if he appears, of course.
• We continued to weed. Appeared A. and sat down next to me for an hour and a half. We talked about different things. I inquired about his health. The intonation immediately changed from a merry to a "dying man." He began to tell me that it was better, but still nothing good. I asked why he is so tuned? He replied that I do not understand anything, this is an incurable disease. "I registered on a website where everyone knows and talks about it." I agreed "yes, I do not know anything about this disease, but I know for sure that the idea is material," so I suggested that he review his attitude to the disease and rejoice at every minute and every new day, and not bury oneself alive. A. discontentedly listened to me and said that this would not change anything and went to his grandfather and the woman. Yes, everyone should gain experience.
• I impose J. to take one guest into the house, explaining that he will help him in the garden. And most sorry for the man, he has nowhere to sleep. G. angry with me and fled. And the one to whom I wanted to help, he began to teach me and say that he does not care. I immediately calmed down, seeing a rally of Consciousness. And when Zh. Came, speaking so harshly: that I did not advise him any more, I calmly said: well, I understood everything, but that, and he did not say that to me any more. He agreed so quickly and asked for forgiveness. And we embraced.
• Event: the sister called and complained to the children that I left and left everyone, for many years. The insult to my sister, which undermines my authority. I make the picture dim and reduce in size. I'm creating another picture. The sister says: that she completely supports me in everything. A new picture of my sister who loves and supports me very much, I make her brighter. Complete forgiveness. The state of acceptance, consent, instead of my categorical. It's a game. I create my life with my ideas about it.
• I came home and saw that my son was glad of my arrival. But after a while, began to resent. Surprisingly, his speech does not hurt me. As much as he does not behave, I do not lower his self-esteem about myself and I do not want to lower my level. I do not answer provocations. Only by his benevolence I will not descend to his condition, when he is angry, I say well, what kind of head does the dragon now dominate? He smiles. In my ideas I create a new image of my son: pure, intelligent, kind. Everything is created by thought. And he is. I do not answer his indignation, after a minute he calms down. I myself do not understand what happened to me. As if something had opened up in me. Only inner benevolence can change yourself. My son throws out my papers, grumbles, I say, he can throw me out too. He says: how will you behave? I answer: it's good. He says: then stay. I like this game. After all, we are One.
• We began to play in my office in airplanes made of paper: who gets in the doorway. I was so carried away that I forgot how old I am, my importance, my age and other nonsense. There was a child's joy and spontaneity. How fun and easy it is to live when you are just there, in the moment here and now.
• Evening, time of meditation. I forgot to turn off the phone and my friend called. I picked up the phone, because she does not ring trifles. She began to complain about her problems, which are really serious. At first, I was disappointed that they violated my schedule, but then I accepted the situation and invited her to sit with me, connecting via Skype. I did not consult her, I just explained how to live feelings and emotions and we sat silently. I experienced peace and union with Jehovah. I felt myself in the flow of life, Consciousness deigned to appear so and I did not reject it because of my plans. Then I just switched off in skype, and my friend stayed.
• I can see the fear of loneliness, the fear of retreat and abandonment, the emotion of pity. I observe protective behavior like monitoring, going to society, custody of someone (manifestation of pity), observing my mother and myself. A person becomes addicted, there is an attachment to something or someone. If attachment is expressed to something, then this resistance-withdrawal from reality (alcohol, drugs). If attachment is expressed to someone, then this is the desire to be necessary, to be at least someone, just not to experience loneliness. Total control over all spheres of life, if changes, events that violate this control are not accepted, then diseases arise , forcing a person to surrender.
• On the line of my father I see the fear of meaninglessness, death, fear of abandonment, rejection, injustice, emotion of pity. The meaning of life characters are found depending on: people, things, alcohol. They seem to have no right to life at all, do not express feelings, do not notice them.
• His father and both his brothers were actively involved in sports. It was their meaning of life. In all correspondence the theme of the sport is put on the first place, only after the football, basketball and other matches are described, the successes of personal and friends, are enclosed in the envelope of newspaper clippings with sports news, there is a message about the personal life and about the parents. At some point, sports cease to perform protective functions and fear of meaninglessness covers with the head. Unable to cope, live this fear in the characters there are mental illness-addictions, such as accumulation, alcohol dependence. Aggression against close people, accusations of their suffering. Ultimately - death, resulting from the effects of dependence or voluntary - suicide. The law of non-attachment is violated. Uncertainty frightens the characters, in any action must be mandatory positive result, disclaiming responsibility, remain closed for selection.
• I observe the sensations, note the arising fuss and haste (how to manage everything, not to be late), fears. I consciously watch. Mom hurries to sit them all at the table. Grandfather (the father of her friend) begins to resent that he was put at the table, but no one else has ever sat down, and why so long and so on. I see laughter in his words. But my mother is not up to laughing. The fish is not ready yet (it was not fried until the end, because the foil was used). And the demonstration of defensive behavior begins. Mom feels rejected, so she starts to make excuses (you see, we are trying so hard), but grandfather continues provocation. Then mom includes a defensive attack - angry, sharply asks not to distract her and suffer, laments for the fish. It requires me to "sit down" at least some of the children. I notice how all this fuss is passed on to me. Turning to me, my mother sends me a chain of fear. Now I also feel the threat of rejection. And already as ready for protection. In the mind of the thought that it is necessary to call for the husband's table rushes, that it is necessary to spread all over the plates this fish and salads and so on. I sit, watching thoughts, living my fear. Children themselves sat at the table and for both cheeks weave food. Slowly everyone calms down, the husband is walking somewhere, but I do not call him. He heard that everything is ready and will come when he wants. I start slowly to eat. Mom is also at the table, can not calm down at all - everything asks whom to put something. Having started eating, suddenly jumps up and rushes to the kitchen to put tea - "suddenly someone already wants." I watch with a smile and acceptance. This is her experience and she herself needs to live it, while I live my own.
• Caught myself on the fact that I'm beginning to curry favor with my son, showing him how good I am. Stop.Technika not doing. Awareness and understanding that, I reproduce my pattern of behavior out of fear, social. abandonment, exos.strah loneliness, beginning to bind to himself a character. Trying to take responsibility for yourself. At the same time depriving him, to live his experience. She stopped. I listened to my son to the end, without interrupting him (as I usually did). I see how Consciousness checks my character and smiles, with Love began to play. Said to my son that I listened and understood you. I asked what ideas you have. She offered to listen to her intuition. Choose the idea from which you will feel comfortable. You are already an adult and must rely on your own intuition, make decisions, make mistakes and get the experience of this life.
• In the evening, running on the school grounds. In the box, the guys play football, I watch, a fight began between the guys. Caught that I'm afraid of such occurrences. There is a failure to accept reality. Feeling of weakness, fear of violence, death. I miss and allow everything to happen. Ha-ha-ha !!! I ask, who is afraid? Who are you? No one is there, it's all an illusion. Playing!
• Practice. Monitoring of breathing. Sensation of pulsation in the temples, pressure in the nape, I feel fear, the thought of why I can not do it at the time. Event: during the time I did not make a report card for classes, I can not write reports consistently. Calibration. Transformation with the help of respiration. Scale from 4 to 0, a clearing in the head.
• I feel rejection in piles. in obl.spiny, thought, what is not assembled, a sense of uselessness. Recounting, on the maternal line, the grandmother was left without documents, was afraid that she would be detained and sent into exile as a father, when they were dispossessed, the character felt unnecessary, constantly worried, the thought that no one needed. Transformation: yes, it happened at that time so many people were left without documents and it all passed, there is nothing terrible, it was just an experience of the soul and fear, only aggravating the situation. The technique of not doing, I allow myself to be rejected, I relax and accept the situation, I realize that what I need to do in time is not to delay the moment of the present, I feel a surge of energy in the body. And if I do not at the time? What's terrible? I feel a deep fear of loneliness, a feeling of pressure in obl.spiny, heaviness in the neck, the thought, why did they do so? Recapitulation was left alone without parents at home was afraid that they would not come and did not want to do anything, sat and waited. Transformation: I begin to do, what I like, draw, clean. After all, it's not my idea, it came from a grandmother who does not exist, which means illusory. The soul came to earth to pass the tests to understand that all this is temporary, illusory. It is important to open your soul and accept it with Love, reach out to the Light and be necessary primarily to yourself. The technique of not doing, I'm distressing, accepting myself and doing this with Love. I am Consciousness.
• To be continued...

Ha-Ha! Playing!