When we change our mindset, the world changes color too!

  © Gintama

Participants of the spring-summer distance games, continuing to live in an increased awareness mode, passed the eighth game mark. About what kind of rallies are found on their way, we introduce you in this issue of the game diary.

• I enter the root of desire: I want to be with a man who is not drinking. After analyzing and going into the depths of this desire, I see that in the end I do not accept myself! With such manifestations as I find in the reflection of her husband. A Consciousness shows. Accept. Live. And be free. Do not hold on, do not get attached. I look into the reflection and do not accept: weakness, inaction, laziness, limited thinking, infantilism. I really only began to notice it really now, especially through mirrors. It was a deep blind spot. So, I look, and the mask (I can do everything I can, hardworking, active, knowing a lot, I've been pushed into the shadows (weakness, laziness, inaction, inhibition, undermining, irresponsibility.) As always, there is a conviction: I can not help myself, Belief in my weakness and worthlessness .There is clearly a trace of a dwarf, and I see how I believe and play for him.The acceptance of my qualities, the unification of a split .-- Unbelief in destructive thoughts .-- Question: Is this really the case (is it really so? I can not do anything myself?) .It's not true, I can very much, I really want to be able. there is some kind of sphere where there is not enough knowledge, I can always get this knowledge, learn, turn to competent people for help, I can see all that, I feed my infantility. I see the reason: my mother told me that I was in that papikina breed (they are princesses, yes ladies, grandmother herself did nothing for her ADULT woman almost from a spoon fed her mother, cooked her breakfasts , brought up her son (my dad), fluttered, without and 100% infantile. Then I accept working with my dad (he copied this behavior from his mother and gave it to me). And I was a little girl listening to stories about what kind of lady they were in her family and counted herself to them, unconsciously accepting the destructive model. On the body I feel, as vertebrae as though on a place rise and the back is straightened.
• Out of affection and dependence, I never wanted to get rid of my husband, but now she really pushes reality out. I catch the thought: "A bad wife, could not make her man happy, and as a woman you suffer complete defeat, and your family falls apart-because you're bespontovaya, nikakuschaya, why do you need a man if you do not know and can not create coziness and family." Weakness. Pain. Sadness. Abandonment. Loneliness. In the body I find this state. I open, I live. I accept. It's a thought, it's not me. This does not mean that it really is. Recapitulation: Dad, and my resistance, my not acceptance of reality, non-acceptance of feeling. There in that event I accept, I open, helping the body, I live. I need this lesson, I need this experience. I'm growing up. I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I accept. Consciousness helps. I'm humbling myself. I take as much as I can (drawing a strong, strong feeling). In one session, it does not live, time after time. My day is broken up into parts, where I take the same feeling and one condition. Weakness. Loneliness. In the process, it becomes easier to see the game. The game is not to become attached, to be autonomous, not dependent. I can only give, but not take.
• My sister's husband began to argue with my son and criticize his work ... the others present and I also began to protect my son and explain to my son-in-law that he was wrong and I noticed that I was very involved, at that moment I saw this involvement, felt hurt for my son , and anger at the son-in-law, the body feverish vibration and rally added to my rejection of myself in such a state (bad) and I began to "make attempts" to calm down ... to no avail ... realizing this, if possible, shifted attention to the breath, the body, at the moment ... and then with Islands became involved in a verbal argument and thought ... until the next day. During the morning walk and practice, resistance was shown to this event, but not so bright and there was no faith in them ... but for the next few days the image of my son-in-law periodically arose and I felt an aversion (examine the state) that I observe and it goes away ... a rally with the son-in-law continues)))
• Twice in college she poured herself coffee. First a little, then half of the shirt. It was a shame and a fear that they would reject it. M: They can laugh at me. As soon as she realized what was described, she relaxed. T.O: the contraction of the muscles of the abdomen and mouth was replaced by relaxation. I allowed myself to be funny and clumsy. The heaviness left his chest. No one even noticed that the clothes were wet. Proceeding from this, it is clearly evident that I reject myself. A dwarf to help me.
• On this day, I always dropped something. Mom asked: "Are you so afraid?". Thoughtfully. Thank you, Consciousness, for the clue, indeed, this is a manifestation of protection.
• With a friend went for a walk. But, as it turned out, she still has to go to my mother and grandmother later. We are taken away, but there is a big traffic jam. I understand that she does not have time to do anything, but she will be coming to her grandmother's departure. I fix the blame. Fear of rejection, m: will not go anywhere with us anywhere. Э.С: Loneliness. I see myself: if I were in Her place, then I would hardly have taken my girlfriend anywhere ... I see Her (my) victim. It's Her choice, Her decisions. I accept that I and my daughter - we look like the reason for Her being late. But still something jarred. Writing down this drawing in the evening, I experienced and analyzed, having found my reflection in her fugitive. The return link of Life the next day. No one scolded a girl friend. Because arriving three hours later than the agreed time, she told her relatives from the threshold that she was not feeling well .... The game, ha ha ...
• I continued to work on the block in my head. But this time he wandered in thought. One reaction to thought created a chain reaction. When I started only meditation there was one situation, my sister threw 2 bottles on the floor, then I reacted and said that below people live. And I caught myself on this. I saw this idea, the concept of respecting the peace of the people who live under us, I saw how I resisted and then realizing the reason for the rally I began to laugh. Then he lost concentration and tried to resume it all the rest of the time, tearing it away from his thoughts.
• The sister was disappointed that she created expectations for herself, and they did not come true, at this moment she began to endure this disappointment, that is, I was to blame for the fact that the expectations she had done for herself did not come true. But the problem is that by telling her this, she did not understand anything. In the end, I felt resentment and, to my surprise, started to act aggressively for myself. At that moment, I realized that I was offended, aware of the reason, and realized that the body would not stop. At that moment, there were screams and massacres), but at the same time I could consciously watch my deliberate aggressive acts. I knew that I would not be able to stop, but I knew that at that moment, was a great moment for taking this part of my life. Myself and people. Something like this.
• My husband came late from work. Thoughts: after work it is not known with whom, but not with the family, the conviction is spinning, one should not allow this to happen so as not to experience terrible pain. Recapitulation: we are in different cities with my husband, my daughter is not yet a year old, I call my husband does not pick up the phone, did not call back, and then completely disconnected the phone. , I have not slept all night, the feeling of sadness and resentment of my husband, my soul is watching the body and the pain that is more than 10 points, I'm injustice with the baby and my husband has even turned off the phone, prolonged tears, resentment, breathing out and holding attention on my body, my breathing normalizes , the transformation of the shape of the solution, then I began to admit what was happening then with the phone turned on and what I was experiencing did not change anything. I did not cuss for the morning as I did it then I erased the behavior of screaming, and arranged for criticism that I accept such an act of a husband. Back in yesterday's situation, I realized that I was powerless to correct something in my husband, the body relaxed, the shape decreased by 1 cm from 7 cm, the pain intensity was 1b.from 10b. There is no desire to correct what happens.
• I leave the bus at the nearest stop in the direction of my mother's house, go past her husband's work spontaneously decided to go and treat me with the dessert I made; my husband was cute flirting with the girls. Non-acceptance, resentment, betrayal, loneliness, I did not call him, but watched when he would notice me when my husband saw me smile he disappeared, when my husband came up I was already upset, we talked dryly, and he left I even forgot to give it back dessert, I returned to this floor in a cafe where I left my bag, drank tea and went to call my husband to give the dessert. He went out, but did not want to take it, I translated for fun what I said before that remark, and he changed to positive taking my dessert.
• The eldest son of O. offends E. I have an immediate transfer of my daughter and her husband's son, injustice, a sense of fear for a daughter, death. I meet for E. talking that she is less, I feel and feel all the same things that I have at home. It's amazing, they manage to watch the game, note that hatred for O.'s son, although I do not know him at all. the transfer from the husband's son falls on O's son, the hatred weakens with the realized vision that I'm doing the transfer and I really got it right to rehearse and there came an understanding of how to work upon coming home.
• Vacationer angrily tells me why he finds out through Moscow that we had an interesting time in the city yesterday, we passed events, swam some. On my words that we are served by the firm on excursions, begins to scold the firm that it is the worst in the whole country. Aggression from him and sypetsya. Injustice. What should I answer, what is being done around the city? Wrapped around. Yes, he may be unhappy. Did not get on some kind of swim. I say - well, I will download information on interesting events on the Internet, and post it on the stand. Who is unhappy? Ego. Who is unfairly treated? Ego thinks so. Once identified. In fact, I live in the suburbs, I hardly watch TV. I will be interested in the life of the city. I looked at the Internet on the next day - oh, the South Korean liner comes to us! Printed, hung on the board. Who is happy? Ego. There is no one. Once identified. And by chance, I was in the city, I was near the liner. Communicated with the Koreans. Beauty! Who rejoices? Ego. It's not me. I watch how this guest arrives, thanks for the message, very pleased. I observe - there is no one who is aggressive, dissatisfied, pleased. Consciousness plays.
• I. began to tell that she was working to help her sister, D., etc. I listen to her and understand that no matter how you decorate yourself and do not alter to look younger and prettier, but if there is no agreement with the inner self, then you will never find inner peace, and you will continue to feel your dissatisfaction with what you see in the mirror and around yourself. I look at my friend and feel sadness and compassion. She says that "there is no more strength to endure it," but at the same time, does not want to admit to herself that she is the author of her sufferings. I sit side by side and feel a strong squeezing in the lumbar region-7b. and also I understand that I myself do it, but I have not yet understood what it is connected with.
• In the morning I went to the station, got in line. In front of me, a man asked for a ticket to V. on the next flight, I felt the body condensed. The cashier said that there is one ticket in the reserved seat on the top shelf, he asked to see other trains. Potasovav back and forth, he bought a ticket and departed, I thought he took this one ticket. A little upset, but then calmed down with the thoughts "You should not have to sleep on the go." I went to the ticket office and asked for a ticket for today until V. Cashier offered a single ticket on the train 351 in the first compartment number 2. I was a little confused and hung. She once again asked "Will you take?" Waking up, I quickly nodded. I took the return ticket on the same train, and I got the last bottom seat on the train. For myself, I thank the Consciousness for the gift. While she was writing out the tickets, she asked her why 351st train was not on the Internet yesterday? She replied that this meant that there were no empty seats. Giving me the tickets, the cashier said, "And you are lucky!" - "Yes, sometimes it happens!"
• The event is a disrespectful attitude of the son to me. The body says that she overworked and slept little. Again she asked: what color of energy do I need for my heart. Energy of heat - orange. Has painted orange color. The pain was completely gone. It became easy to breathe. I noticed that if the pain leaves my head, my heart starts to beat faster and vice versa. There was a heaviness, squeezing in the nape, 4 points, the size of the head. The unconscious asked. The answer is the energy of the cold, the color is black. Has painted black color. Incredibly, but the pain has passed, the head has become clear. The body is easy, satisfaction.
• My son says that I'm worthless, I'm engaged in nonsense and so much neglect in his words. Tears come from resentment. I remember that there is a game and only tolerance will help me. I clearly understand, I purify the mind by developing the best qualities of a new image-patience. When I make claims, I make excuses, this does not lead to anything. Just do not go to his level of state. I want to cry. By effort of will I remain silent. Humility appears. Now I have passed a lesson in patience. The son was indignant and without a reminder went to restore the sound on my computer, which I asked earlier. And I suddenly realized why the Consciousness is playing like this, through my son, so that I can develop good qualities - patience, compassion, until I realize it's a dream. On the 4th day of the game humility came, but I think for a short while, the tendencies of the mind to argue with reality are still strong.
• Z. Razdrazhenie came home. Why should I feed him? Low vibration. I notice, I live, I accept. Does not go away irritation. I offered him berries. How grateful he was. And how I was pleased that my anger melted and did not get into conflict. He brought water, was tired after the garden, showed the mudra for the heart. Yes, if you can not change a person, change attitude towards him. I started to see good in it. It is more difficult for him to cope with his emotions, I, it is already easier to work with my mind and change my feelings.
• Call, invite to an open city event dedicated to the Family Day, where they are asked to conduct Yoga for pregnant women. I see the sign of consciousness. I accept, although I usually refused. Feast of Love and family! Thought, family, pregnant, new birth. Inside, fear, public display, I realize fear, translate into Love and thank you for the invitation!
• Today I must die again. A new vision is emerging, lived through experience. Self-awareness of oneself as Consciousness can not be obtained from outside. I already have, I already am. My arrogance is the desire to change myself, knowing what I should be in the opinion of the mind and ideas about me. There comes a relaxation. I can be any: weak, strong, great or low, without feeling guilty for it and punishing myself (allergies). To feel unworthy of life is from ignorance.
• There is a new attitude to the body, mind, emotions, sensations. This is not something separate, what you need to get rid of. It is a single Consciousness, only manifested. Consciousness plays, manifesting itself in billions of forms, and mine in particular. I was born again so that it could get some more experience. It remains only to trust. It's even weird to write this, it's kind of trite, many times read and heard. But living this understanding of experience, allows me to live more easily physical and emotional pain. Taking it as a reality and not suffering.
• She was born again. I came from somewhere in this body, from some source. I am alive, aware, then I am Consciousness even before it is conditioned by parents and society. Simply then I forget about it and start to believe that my personality, body is me. In the morning, there are a few minutes when there is still no conditionality, but there is peace, silence and harmony.
• 7-8 game took place in the process of retreat and when I wrote the report, there was a lot of information and I was happy, but when the information disappeared, I was upset, the fear of being imperfect, bad and stupid, now manifests itself and I accept myself as such, it's just a rally and the point is not to write much, but to see yourself. The game of hide and seek, how interesting! I find myself and I feel silence.
• Once again I write a report, which is first saved, and then simply it is not in the documents. Here is the game of Consciousness, trying to resist, seeming to be strong and knowing, but in fact weak. Accepting weakness let it be and do it as it is, feeling ready and writing. I give up, I see a weak place and escape from myself, getting lost in the field of the game, or rather, in my thoughts, not just being aware, as uneasy. After all, this is the process that now lives illusory, but the character relishes and WAITING, this is the expectation, the idea, the thought that everything will happen by itself, the trap, I lose awareness and again I fail and rise. Live myself!
• I watch the breath. Stress in the shoulders, in the neck, feel pity, fatigue, thought, did not get enough sleep. The event, slept badly at night, thought about how the son acts. Transformation with the help of respiration. Shk.3b.-0 b, relaxation in the body and willingness to track down further.
•  Feeling of slowness, weakness in the body, fear of loss, thought, how he is without me. Who without me, what I'm afraid of? that I'm alone, I feel lonely, fear of death, I feel the bottom of my stomach, thought, whoever is afraid of death, go into fear, but is there any death, death is illusory, the mind draws pictures. Transformation, breathing, directing attention to myself, accepting loneliness, I feel inner strength. I am distressed, there is no death, feeling calm and silence. The technique of not doing, everything comes and goes, but the moment is constant, it is an experience that is important for the soul. I am Consciousness.
  
  To be continued...
  

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