4 game.

Prayer…
Greetings of the reality in which all elements
  and all living and non-living beings appear as if
themselves, in which they are for a while
  exist and which then come back ...

Every year, at the Winter Remote Games, the New Year holidays are a natural test for all participants, since they carry in themselves the lulling power of Rajas. Like the shooting range at the distance in the biathlon, the New Year holidays, distributed the players according to the level of personal strength in the game.

We would like to remind you that the distance game differs from other power games in the Leela Academy, in that it requires participants to play continuously for 2.5-3 months.

In the game of consciousness there are no breaks for weekends and holidays - it tirelessly plays with inexhaustible creativity, every moment.

In this summary, we collect examples of players of different levels (hunter, warrior, missionary, formless player).
The ability to play is inherent in each of us.
Learn to play by examples ...
The game is part of your inner self.
All the enlightened were reduced to one opinion, that everything that is happening is nothing else than a game of consciousness with oneself, where the key word for us is the GAME!
Play and one day the game will lead you to the mystery of Life!
About how the players played the fourth game, read in this news bulletin.

• I watch the animation, expressed in the desire to get up and rush to do things. Thought "I will not have time to do everything before she wakes up." Anger is the desire to fight, what's terrible, if I do not have time to do it? I remember that my mother always got up early, so that to our awakening, breakfast was ready. I project, defend, because I feel anger, I fight with myself. I reject myself. the child is still small and everything is good for her, if only the adult was close. But I want to do the practice while the baby is asleep, everything else can wait. Heat is poured, now.
• I'm going to go to the pool, and I tell my husband that they are still working, I look like yoga. My husband begins hysterics, with reproaches that I am forever not at home. I understand how it hurts, I see my abandonment in him, let him yell, feel sadness and desire to change the situation, unfairly. I watch, calmly ask whether he took everything, it's sobering him and then went on in silence. What is my game, in observation, in permission to happen to everything that happens, to keep track of my feelings and miss. I had sympathy, because he may not realize what is happening, it just hurts him.
• Pulling in the frontal part of the head, fear - the desire to retreat, the thought "I hurt her". My friend asked me to say what I think, I answered. The answer was clearly not "to taste." Rationalization "she herself asked." From what do I defend myself? I can offend, but I'm so white and fluffy, I oust the fear of abandonment. offending, abandonment, meaninglessness. I go on a mission where I left my beloved woman, afraid to admit to myself in my love. I live that episode, I accept myself. I return to today's history, accept myself, one that can offend, transform. Whatever I was I was I love myself. Calm down.
• A son comes and starts whining that his wife does not understand him, there is no money forever. I feel anger - a desire to fight, an injustice expressed by a squeeze in my chest. If now I start to blame N. I will become a victim. Watching the anger, I sort of separated from the role of mother, taking care of the child and calmly began to speak to him, so that the root of evil would be searched in himself. The son was taken aback, he began to whine that he and I do not need; Yes, such irresponsible is not needed, you need a man, and his wife primarily. For him and for me, the conversation in this vein was new. What is my game? Watch the anger, feel the force, when you are not involved, calmly express your thoughts.
• I watch the final program "dances", time to go to practice, watch excitement, a rush to action, turning into fear-desire to retreat. It is terrible to violate the established regime, behind it is rejection and senselessness, since if I miss the practice I will leave without comment. The technique of not doing, watching my fear and continuing to watch the transmission, at this moment to watch the transmission of my true desire. What is my game? With the help of not-doing to go at your own peril, do not go on about it. To look at what is interesting, after charging, go to practice.
• The insult to a colleague who did not issue material assistance for a sick elderly woman and who held documents for several months, having shifted this burden onto another, provoked a protest, drove into injustice and did not want to communicate with her at all. Why is this lesson given? She mirrored the callousness of my character, manifested in some situations. Yes, there is acceptance of such a manifestation, you will not see a log in your eye either. Awareness makes it possible to see the situation in its unfolded form, where there are no cliches, no rebel. And the energy of forgiveness, gratitude and love flies ... Yes, there is an energy of participation ..., of help.
• A band of breakdowns, repairs, (in a malfunctioning car, a house of imperfections) went off, which caused a mental strain - to be in time, to meet the deadlines. Who is anxious? What are you afraid of? AWARENESS of this illusory mind with a bunch of loaded trash in your luggage gives relaxation and a sweet smile. If it is necessary to be similar and on foot, and house affairs I shall solve not hastily, with a spark of not attachment to result. Haha !!
• I continue to self-recognize myself in this world of manifestation, disagreeing with these manifestations, observing from the level of integrity, immutability, voidness. I've learned to understand how a simple banal thought, if identified with it, can cause suffering. A clear vision is that everything that is manifested in the external world, as a result of thought. It can not be touched, caught, but its consequences can be felt, felt, felt, seen ...
• With my husband I grappled. He did not like the tone of my voice. Noet, control, feel constant pressure on me from his side. I have a tendency - in order not to conflict with it - it is necessary to remain silent - it is better to do what he wants. So he got used to it. And now every my objection or just a statement of my opinion is a shock to him. But this my belief is outdated, in the past. Let there be a conflict. I calmly expressed to my husband what I wanted to say-be it, what will happen! What is it - all this short life I will live his life? No! I have my own life, my own desires. Accept yourself this - "brawler." Learn to express your opinion. Usually, he slammed the door and ran. Let him clap, let him be displeased. After she expressed - words from somewhere were found necessary - my husband stared at me, calmed down - and everything somehow turned differently. I see the game of Consciousness. I am the one who observes without interfering. This is also me.
• K. should give me money. He promised. Several months passed. He does not give. He does not answer calls or promises to give away from pay and does not keep his promise. Now sent a message - received a paycheck - where is the money? He promises to give in two weeks. I'm sending a message that I know him as a responsible person. I would not like to go to their accounts department. I think - where and to whom did I promise and did not fulfill the promise? I remember the singer, who several times already invited me to her concert, and I promise, although I know that I can not. Haha! I called her, apologized, talked on the phone. Another woman called. I remembered that a man often offers to meet, and I cheat, instead of a direct answer - no. Deception. Yes, there is such in life. I accept myself a liar. Consciousness is playing.
• I noticed the body - it itches the back - in the area of ​​the right scapula. I read that itching in the back happens when a person has some desire and does not allow it to perform, and also feels driven into a corner. For fear of hurting someone, cause his discontent. I realize that I create all the diseases myself. The fulfillment of desires depends on me. Stop being a victim. Feel free to face your fears and act. I need to learn to communicate, do not hold back my feelings. Live consciously. I looked - the event - as I create blocks in my body - was involved. Instead of answering - no - imperceptibly so agreed - a subtle pity for her husband. Lost - played at his gate. So the power of Maya circled my fingers! I fell asleep. I went again to "help." Haha! And now you scratch yourself! Who drove whom into the corner? I - Consciousness - played herself out. Working under the disk in a trance came pity. I looked where, where. It is such a cunning feeling - it passes through two lines, most of the ancestors have pity themselves. I saw how great-grandmother herself wanted to drag everything, it was her activity, protection from anguish (but when this was all gone, she died of anguish). I just watched and studied. She was transferred from her great-grandmother and above the generation above her. And the stronger the woman in the family, the more pity she is. Transformation. Where before there was pity-now: so many things came out, calmness, INTENTION, thirst to live, confidence. Pity, as I saw, very de-energizes, absorbs a lot of strength and vitality. And I from a generation took over this is not my feeling. Since my nature (in my senses) is ruthlessness. Therefore, not affection. The genius of pity was woven in and distortion occurred. I'll straighten it (feel the potential, the strength).
• A new conviction revived about life: to live. This fascinating process is interesting. If you are so strong (then do not ask honestly, do not wait, do not ask). And if you need a man (then be a woman, play this game). If she decided to put everything on herself and such a smart know-it-all and know how-why then you whine and regret yourself a poor fellow ??? Interest. Thirst for life.
• Neurotic anxiety (mom's line). It grows into anger. Fear of death. Neurotic. The model of behavior: the child does not listen, he throws things out. Does not respond to my requests, or ignores. Anxiety (how is he going to live with such an approach to life? How will he interact with people? If so devil-may-care, then they mean the same to him). I see the generic (fear of destruction). Not respect. Protection - cry, anger, suppress, humiliate (not to trample). Nobody destroys me, the child simply knows the world so, he is so played, he wants to manifest himself so much. It turns out I'm trying to remake it to fit my picture. I live feeling. New model: with love playfulness included in his game (remembering his own). Let me show it to him later, clean it up, talk, hug. He is all perfectly hears, understands.
• A. began to talk about the New Year. Where and with whom? I'm just watching A .... Who wants to organize? What to plan? Organizes Consciousness. Everything will happen as it happens. There is no doer. Is it worth worrying and worrying about? Do not interfere. I do not give advice. I promise nothing to organize. There is no doer. Everything just happens. I am the one who is watching.
  The husband "caught a cold" - walks with a handkerchief. Legs wrapped in thick socks - heals a "runny nose". I see that he washed the laundry in a typewriter and, apparently, again put a lot of powder. And he's just allergic to him. He likes to so erase and convince him it is impossible. And from this, he "flows" from his nose, and he thinks he has caught cold. I already told him about it. That I myself will put the powder. I do not agree - I erase "wrong". I wanted to tell my husband - do not erase yourself tomorrow - I'll wash. Stop! Consciousness wants her husband to live this experience for as long as necessary. And I should not interfere with this experience. Wants to wash - let him wash. There is no one to regret. I - Consciousness - just watching. Do nothing.
• With my husband I grappled. He did not like the tone of my voice. Noet, control, feel constant pressure on me from his side. I have a tendency - in order not to conflict with it - it is necessary to remain silent - it is better to do what he wants. So he got used to it. And now every my objection or just a statement of my opinion is a shock to him. But this my belief is outdated, in the past. Let there be a conflict. I calmly expressed to my husband what I wanted to say-be it, what will happen! What is it - all this short life I will live his life? No! I have my own life, my own desires. Accept yourself this - "brawler." Learn to express your opinion. Usually, he slammed the door and ran. Let him clap, let him be displeased. After she expressed - words from somewhere were found necessary - my husband stared at me, calmed down - and everything somehow turned differently. I see the game of Consciousness. I am the one who observes without interfering. This is also me.
• I notice in the events with the child. She shouted at him, then a feeling of guilt. On the bodily level, the left side of the body is taken away. In the field of the heart, pain. The belief that with my own cry I can destroy his child's psyche and injure him. I'm a bad, angry mother. Not restrained psycho (self-abasement). Self-punishment (let now my heart aches, so you should not yell at the child!). In fact, I see that this is for my mother. I did not take her cry, I wanted to hit her. Now my son can hit me. Then begging for forgiveness. Pity to him, and through him Pity to myself, that I will be thrown by such a nervous, screaming, spiteful, unrestrained child, harbor insult, and we will be far apart (reject me). Therefore, when he can strike me, I accept with humility (ostensibly deserved). On my mother's line (great-grandmother all endured, she was afraid of losing her husband, tolerating not abandoning left). Transformation. New model: instead of shouting explanations, gameplay, ruthlessly (if I said that I will not play with him in such a game - it means not to play (and then I said, and I myself continue to play, pity is immediately traceable on the same line).
• Pity is now under my sights. I follow it in the most seemingly inconspicuous manifestations. So it fell, this week is especially a lot of printing to do at the computer.
• I hear a voice: my eyes ache from the computer, water. Information is not fully absorbed. I discovered that work is harm, vision can be lost (pity, hence the protection does not work somewhere especially behind the computer). Much has revealed and shed light on unobserved moments. Generic belief (father's line) work is basically not good. New conviction: works are an activity. It's always something new. And the new can be useful. And immediately so eyes filled with tears, you look ka! Here it is pity! It was a hint of resistance, but it was captured and rendered harmless.
• Failure in thought, irritation, identification with the character. The feeling of loneliness loomed under the guise of boredom, monotony, fatigue - the whiner took a position. Awareness of the manifestation of sadness, in the body of heaviness. Self-realization creates magic and the moment is filled with peace, where there are no desires, aspirations to change something, where there is nobody and nothing to change, it's just that everything is manifested ...
  The insult to a colleague who did not issue material assistance for a sick elderly woman and who held documents for several months, having shifted this burden onto another, provoked a protest, drove into injustice and did not want to communicate with her at all. Why is this lesson given? She mirrored the callousness of my character, manifested in some situations. Yes, there is acceptance of such a manifestation, you will not see a log in your eye either. Awareness makes it possible to see the situation in its unfolded form, where there are no cliches, no rebel. And the energy of forgiveness, gratitude and love flies ... Yes, there is an energy of participation ..., of help.
• A band of breakdowns, repairs, (in a malfunctioning car, a house of imperfections) went off, which caused a mental strain - to be in time, to meet the deadlines. Who is anxious? What are you afraid of? AWARENESS of this illusory mind with a bunch of loaded trash in your luggage gives relaxation and a sweet smile. If it is necessary to be similar and on foot, and house affairs I shall solve not hastily, with a spark of not attachment to result. Haha !!
• Lovely diary! I want to admit to you of love! Thank you for your help when there is confusion and loss of awareness. You breathe in the power of Knowledge and "The hedgehog comes out of the mist" of his delusions. The quality of Life changes in the course of changing scenery, feelings, events, it is just contemplation from inner peace. Who is beholding? A look from eternity ...
  Heaviness in the shoulders, sadness, desire to change, the thought "it grows so fast", now I have a granddaughter. She will soon grow up and her own life will be swallowed up, grandmother and grandfather will not be needed. The abandonment, the meaninglessness of life. I remember how I left my parents' home, my mother kept asking, I did not forget anything. I left it, and not alone, but with a small grandson. I ousted this episode from life. I was ruthless towards her, did not understand what hurt her. Later, she admitted that only five years later, she began to let me go, when she stayed with us at a party and saw everything with her own eyes, but the feeling of loneliness remained. I apologize to my mother for her callousness, I explain that my task, not to become attached, to seek my source of love, was different in another way. I accept myself stale, I transform so, I agree that sooner or later I will have to part with my granddaughter. I'm in the moment now, it's grace and love flows from me.
• I watch the heaviness in my head, sadness - the desire to change, the thought "he is not happy, I can lose him," the event is the son's call. Fear of loss, abandonment, meaninglessness. I let the worst happen, lose it, transform it, watch the sadness, remember the mission, do not get attached, we came here to teach each other. There comes an understanding that I can not decide anything for him and I can not live his life, I can only accept events. There is a moment now, it is comfort, tranquility.
  I'm going to go to the pool, and I tell my husband that they are still working, I look like yoga. My husband begins hysterics, with reproaches that I am forever not at home. I understand how it hurts, I see my abandonment in him, let him yell, feel sadness and desire to change the situation, unfairly. I watch, calmly ask whether he took everything, it's sobering him and then went on in silence. What is my game, in observation, in permission to happen to everything that happens, to keep track of my feelings and miss. I had sympathy, because he may not realize what is happening, it just hurts him.
• D. screams at M. Zhalko M. Pity again. Let everything be, accept both the cry of the daughter, and the whiny voice of M. What to judge, learn to play with M. immaculately, and then you can regret. Haha. Consciousness catches in the same trap. My daughter began to speak calmly and my benevolent tone reassured both my daughter and my granddaughter.
• The drawing starts after the polyclinic. My sister calls and says when you leave. I take the control coupon and understand that I had to leave today at 1 o'clock in the morning, and not at the end of the day. Of course, I immediately blamed my daughter, printed out the coupon only this night, I asked for many days. I understand: the game has begun. In the solar plexus, excitement, in the nape of the neck, there is no clarity, the legs are heavy. I realize all my erratic movements. The game has gone. I turn on the computer, see the schedule. It does not turn on. Feeling is panic. The head stops to think. The children started screaming. I forgot about the forehead-occipital grip. Then begins to play the role of a victim, why the daughter did not open it before, I put the blame on her. After some time, I earned a computer, I have tickets, I do not have any money. But the mood has risen. After 2 hours, a daughter comes from the tree, we buy a ticket. I'm starting to cook. The daughter says: nothing is needed. I note, Consciousness through it says: nothing is necessary, we'll sit quietly better. But I have already collected and I want to help my daughter, I can not stop. I'm cooking calmly. Satisfaction. I am in the presence. I leave and an hour later my daughter had a flood, broke the pipe with hot water from neighbors, closed the electric wiring, there was no light. Heaters do not work, heating is still not included. I try not to think about it, I can not help. And the brother-in-law is on his way.
• I come to the station, I go up to the car, present a coupon, and they tell me: you are not, you have another train, go to the station, sort out the ticket offices. Panic, bodily sensations do not notice, but about the game I remember. Consciousness from Moscow does not let go. I look, instead of the new coupon, the daughter printed the two previous ones, the same. I'm calling my daughter, I have this train, another car. I took a train, told her neighbor, she says: these are signs, you did not have to go. I wanted to leave, and Consciousness played with me, identified with my mind.
• Such was the whole day. With provocations. Another example: A friend says that they will not walk with us today: they are going to an event. I'd be offended earlier. And she felt abandoned. Today I just wish they had a good rest. I keep track: abandonment only arises as a memory of feelings. There is ease. An hour later, the call was canceled. They call us to the skating rink.
  I noticed that I was more eager to give the daughter of impressions. Time in life is not so much ... I also became more totally with her, or something ... That is, if she asks to play with her, then I play, putting off the phone and the TV. And I do not watch TV, pretending to play. And she quickly became saturated with my attention: that is, she would play 10 minutes with me and begin to play herself. And do not whine for half an hour: play and play ...
• Tourists go meeeleen, now and then stop to take pictures, creating traffic jams. And I need to pass quickly. And I'm in a hurry. And, of course, I get stuck all the time, squeeze or push, or I walk along the road ... but it does not turn out faster. And suddenly: Stop! Where and who rushes? I relaxed. And I felt the flow of the crowd, I'm a part of it, just floating ... And surprisingly, I suddenly went free, people somewhere disappeared: they left, missed - no obstacles. Fluidity.
• I met with a friend. I have three hours to go with her for gifts. And she hung in an unscheduled shop. She asked me what time I needed to go home. He speaks; "Well, at 14 you will be at home ..." and my dwarf then knows that over time it is not frets! But I only remember that the experience of the crowd. I'm relaxed. There is no one to hurry. I keep track of my thoughts. The dwarf periodically hurries, recalls the time. I nod and continue to watch with her what I did not plan. After all, this is my last day of incarnation, I enjoy. An hour passed, we finally got out of the store. Let's go to the planned one. But even there, time and again created a trick of the time: a long service at every step: find the goods, print a discount, etc. ... in general, I was clear: there is a game of hide and seek. She even began to get nervous. And I was calm. Well, I'll be late, well, I'll come later, what will change? I came home thirty minutes later than I promised. ... and ha ha! At home no one had expected me yet.)))). Delay simply did not happen.
• Alarm clock. From the corner of my eye I notice the light is on. I decide that this is from the room of the former. I listen, silence. M: did something happen? Heavy excitement. The thought of the death of my daughter's dad becomes obtrusive. I begin practice. P: T. O: pain in 4b in the right shoulder blade, drilling. The spine begins to burn and the anahata vibrates. E: Fear (almost panic). H: fear; m: and if he also died? I look at these emotions. I see clearly: fear is a projection of the future. Now there is only silence. But this vision does not help. Panic seized. Then I dive in fear. Found: thoughts about the uncertainty, emptiness, fear of life, the need to do something ... but the main thing ... this: S. C: abandonment (fear of losing support); Э.С: freedom. With the realization of the exact formulation of Fear, the panic ends. There were two perceptions: I am the Void, I look at the fear of losing support; and I am fear as a Point, in this Void. The task of the trail practice is to work with this fear of losing support. I open my eyes and see: the light is burning in the kitchen, he just forgot to turn it off. And in the room, silence, because he is sleeping.
• I woke up with alarm. I realize that thoughts are only about A., but complete tranquility. There is not that overflowing feeling of falling in love. There are simply pleasant sensations in the body, at the thought of it. The mind worries that I may have grown cold? Ha ha ha. Who am I? Again the mind begins to entertain. He does not want to just live and enjoy life. Need intrigue. And if it has cooled down? What's terrible? Do you want to love? No mind wants entertainment. The scraping in the abdomen and the anxiety rises to the throat. And what's terrible? Thoughts: if there is a relationship, everything should flow violently, interestingly, with tears or fun, meetings and partings. Here! Stop! And if it is not? That feeling of loneliness. If this does not happen, then this is not a relationship at all. Persuasion: Relationships must flow violently, with intrigues, conversations, passions. ... well, who said that? Well why so? Why can not you just enjoy your peace of mind? Because the mind needs entertainment. From where is this belief? Why should everything be fast, noisy? Because it is to live either from the past, sucking, what happened, or in the future, building illusions, how it can or should be. Then the mind is busy and entertained, so as not to feel abandonment and loneliness. Watching the breath, I'm here and now. Anxiety goes away, followed by calm. And here is Dar. I thank Consciousness, the situation showed me how the mind tries to escape into the past or the future, not wanting to live right now. Confidence!!!! Live right now. That's why I had so many passions in relations with Ch. And now I'm trying to reproduce this with A. All !!! Exhaled! I'm living right now. I admire and enjoy my discoveries. I clean the mind. That's what cleansing the mind means. Not doing: as soon as I catch the mind on the desire to have fun, I return to the moment now !!! I jump!
• The mind leads to the idea of ​​an upcoming party with friends. Even before the quarrel with A. (just because of this party), I told him that I do not have the opportunity to go, but if he goes, then I can. Now I know that he does not go. I have the mood to go, but with the opportunity really hard. But there is always a possibility. I let go of the mind. I adjust to the breath. I hear the words of a friend: you must go, do not adapt to it! The mind begins to adjust to Her words, coming up with excuses, why it is necessary to go. What's terrible, if I do not go, my friends can be offended. What's terrible, if I go I can be offended A. Stop! Where is the one who wants to go? He is not. Only the mind. Relax and trust. I'm ready to go. And there will be circumstances. Everything is possible. Relax and breathe. The pressure on the temples is gradually weakening. Everything changes and flows. The solution will come by itself. Spontaneously.
• I tell my mother: "S. unlikely to make him a wake. New Year's Eve ... ". I notice a subtle but subtle accusation of S. in his death: she brought him. I see and try to hide myself from this awareness. For the accusation of S. I see myself accusing myself that I acted out of fears, it was necessary otherwise ... I think that I am better that I know more Life and Providence. I still argue, subtly and exquisitely. Again, I forgive myself. What is the cause of forgiveness? The accusation that more went for fears than for my heart-disappointment in myself- relations with him were my inner goal, I could not overcome circumstances and did not help him psychologically, because I was not there. Heartache. I saw the full circle. What to do with it? I do not see any way out. And the brain tells: and why live that? That's the way out. Probably the key: it's a disappointment in yourself and in your "power."
• Five minutes after this understanding, I hit my head, not much, but almost as I did in my 20s. And after 2 hours - hit the face near the nose. While walking, analyzing and scanning: The blows were at the moments when I thought about what had not happened. Disillusionment in myself / the world is a grievance (I'm going spiritually, that means life should be what I imagine) - a collapse of faith: now I create circumstances - the desire to control life and the future in order to correspond to my ideas. When I honestly looked at all this, it became easier for me. I felt grateful for our relationship with him, they were my dream come true. In the heart of love and easy flow. I let him go ... In practice, I forgive, accept, thank.
• I caught myself thinking that it's very fun to spend the New Year, it's so rare that the whole family is assembled. Arriving in a dream of the second level, the character was carried away and identified with a fantasy world. Stop! I return to the reality of the moment. I direct attention to what I see. My fruit, I look at their shape, color and smell them. I notice what I did not pay attention to before. I just did as a robot, without seeing and not noticing, all the charms and flaws ... Reality allows me to develop as I please Consciousness. Once identified, I watch how the body gets experience. I feel trust and love, coming in contact with the True Source ...
  On the day of birth, G. feels boredom and struggles with a drowsy state. I catch on the fact that the mind does not want to be bad and rejected, (with Loneliness). Waiting and knowing what people should be like. I myself know who I am! Who's afraid? I let the characters think about me, everything they want. Loneliness is an illusion. Nobody here! Smiled to Consciousness! I settled on the couch and fell asleep ...)))
• "This task needs to be done well ..." Persuasion: I must be good ... Denial ... Loneliness ... fear of Death ... Stop !!! Who needs it? Who wants to be good? Is there loneliness? Is there death? Ha-ha-ha! Self-aware, Who am I! I disagree with the illusory doer. I return to reality. I observe reality and let it unfold as it unfolds without the intervention of the mind (without its corrections to what it ought to be). I live with a smile, realizing it as a bodily sensation and someone who does not affect it. Consciousness gives the experience that the character woke up, remembered Who he is ... Consciousness deduces from the template! From a dream! From ignorance! From a false identification! I feel trust and acceptance of any experience ... Yahuu !!! Playing ...
  The game - at work a provocative situation arose and I saw that the sufferings and experiences arise from me because I'm not always honest with myself. I often act on the basis of attitudes, programs, other people's views and opinions of others. It does not matter what and how I think it is important that I feel it.
• A game. The husband became, as it seemed to me, to scold the younger son. I wanted to intervene out of habit, but did not. After a while, I heard that they were indulging and laughing. I felt respect for my husband.
• Waited for the son in the car - the tension in the neck on the right, the tension at the base of the skull. The car stood so that it created a feeling that passing people were coming towards me and would open the door to the car. Three men passed. In the heart of the heat, compression, heat, then a lump in the throat. Fear. What am I afraid of? What will be seized, that there will be not enough forces to break out. Who's afraid? Character. And who am I? Consciousness.
• Now I write and understand that it's very hard to manifest like a person, write, do, stop, there is an anger inside inflates, a feeling that I burst, do not want to do anything any more, a cry of injustice, a thought, so it should not be, why I'm simple moments can not write. There is a surrender, I understand that the body does not let go, it's important to do, to manifest. I change the reaction, ha-ha-ha! The person is and it is not, then it manifests itself, it does not. Here is a rally! I'm playing! I manifest myself and accept imperfection, because the moment is already perfect. It's very difficult for a character to live and at the same time, this is nothing. I am this!
  The problem is under my control. Consequences and errors. My problem is that I postpone business for later and thus accumulate a buffer of gravity, I do not like it, I see how a protracted reaction, a stopper, a fear, a thought, I admit it, that I can not quickly change the reaction, because the reaction - that's where you need to be Conscious, it's by reaction! I catch myself and change my reaction, I smile and I am happy that I am!
• Now the assembly point is shifting and expanding more and more when I started to accept myself as a woman and next to now the departing and coming husband, the departing and coming son, watching the process realize the mistakes and change the reaction. I try to show myself, to play with the female part myself. And seeing the mistakes of others let them be, changing their reactions. After all, this happens only with me and thanks to these processes, the assemblage point expands, and I react with humility and Love, because it reflects in me.
• S. went to work for two hours, I feel anxious and attached to thoughts of treason do not let go, it is difficult to confront from the state of narrow thinking. As if someone else's skin or shell appeared on me, I clearly understand that it does not belong to me, but I feel it and pull myself on myself when it's convenient for me to be in the habitual suffering state, in a state of sacrifice, and how it seems to me what I believe, that the weak help and do not throw them out of pity, and now I do not take my strength, it's not only the strength of the will that power is in everything. The power of Love, the Power of Forgiveness, The Power in Nobility towards everyone who hurt me for my good, healing, the power of the beauty of the soul, the power to move on and this force I'm fooling with weakness so that I can not be left alone, because I am afraid of a new state and this for me is now called to manifest freely with the power that I have since I came into this world (I remember the little one that I once saw in my mother's strength and I realized that the strong drop out). Let go of the conviction and habitual state of running from liberation back.
• Arriving in our city, we brought the goods to work and realized that we had finished this day by watching the premiere of the Movement of the Upward movie on which we were going to go on a day off. We go to the cinema and look at the scoreboard of more than one free space at the time that is convenient for us, but I know that there are unpaid backup seats online, because I myself have reserved it more than once, and S. did not know about it. I ask the cashier she says that there are six revenge, but that they will not be redeemed will be known only at the very beginning of the film and in the other box office there are also four people who know about these places. we are seven and there are 20 minutes left before the session. someone will not get one place. We with C. decide to wait and try to go to this session, especially daughter's 20 minutes ride on the hill, and we do not lose anything. During these 20 minutes. people approached and also saw that there were no places, but they did not know about the reserve that someone should reserve and might not come up they turned around and left, and we waited because I had the excitement, and S. stood watching my game with pronounced eyes and did not believe that this was possible, but he realized that something was possible. I heard a signal about the beginning of the session, I saw that they already sell four tickets at the second ticket office. they came before us and I allowed not to argue with the reality that they are selling the first tickets, I turn to S. and ask if I take two tickets S. says take it together with your daughter, take the tickets and see that they are on the last row and this is the sofas I I decide to take two tickets, but go three together because the sofa is big and we have enough space for three, but the task remains to go three on two tickets. I hold money for the third ticket. S. proposes to pay at the pass to the hall the room that issues glasses, I come up I give two tickets I miss very much forward. She is in the hall, I'm standing on the gate and S. is behind, giving the tickets. I'm returning for S. I take him under hand and lead to the hall although S. shook his head that he would not do it. I say the phrase. Let's try and you do not lose anything. I recall how 10 years ago we sailed on the Russian Island to the Ferry and could not leave. on the return ferry we were late and the fact that we were playing that night I've only been aware of this now and S. is also aware of it. As a result, we passed two tickets, the film was terrific and we sat together on the same couch and this brought us all together. After the session, S. accented me and said in his ear that it was unexpected that S. expresses sincerely his feelings that he does not know me well and how much he is interested in being with me that he completely forgot me the one that once fell in love with. immersed in the work and unwillingness to be at home, he understood something. He remembered why he loved me and said here for this unpredictability.
• There was a message on whats app, the guy with whom they worked at the event congratulated on the holidays. He himself was the presenter and this greeting sounded so much that I could not believe that this was for me. This is a congratulation from some other level, usually it's something dry and somehow squeezed out, it's written. And it was audio and with a special message. I write this and the heat in the solar plexus in front and behind. This may be a sign.
• After the evening practice, I came to the realization that when my grandmother was left alone without her mother she felt lonely and the fear of death there arose the conviction: "if I stay alone, then I will die" is all in the area of ​​the uterus. Having lived a sense of loneliness and death, I realized that such a conviction was formed and that I live with this conviction. I walked into this loneliness and lived the fear of death. Grandmother was very afraid of dying because she was little. That's where it comes from.
• I'm going on business. Has arrived in office, unexpectedly for me I so harmoniously communicate with the colleague on work. Then, more employees come, and this guy communicates with them, and I feel sad, I have a desire to get free of it, but this is impossible until she does not leak herself. Here the mind includes beliefs about oneself, I am a failure. If you live on the machine, you can live like that, and if you realize that this mind does not want to live, feel sad, then I do not merge with it, I do not attach importance to these thoughts. I realize that these are tricks of the mind. Also I remain myself.

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